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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a friend in the DMV who is a SAHM with a husband who makes about $150K. They live in a decent house in a marginal DMV neighborhood (that they've not been able to maintain) and struggle to get by, as in their kids don't go to camp, dance lessons, music lessons, join soccer teams, etc... They only have one car. They don't take even domestic vacations. The whole SAHM is a bad idea if the mom has the ability to out earn a nanny. [/quote]
This sounds like how OP grew up, which she resents. And now she wants to SAH and give her kids the same life... instead of just working and giving them the opportunities she say she missed out on. [/quote]

OP is clear in her post that she wants a better life for herself and her future kids than what her parents gave her.  This issue of wanting to get ahead and not relive her family of origin seems foundational - she's described how hard she worked to put herself through college and grad school to reach a point where she is now making $180k. If she were to be a SAHM with a man whose salary tops out at $80k, she wouldn't be able to give her kids any more advantages than she had.  She's already said she felt like it wasn't enough.  She wants more.  She could work as the primary breadwinner and accept that her DH makes less.  I doubt this scenario works for OP, as she's mentioned wanting to stay home for some time.  This could lead to resentment if she can't because she makes so much more than her husband.

No one disputes that the guy she's dating who makes $80k might be a great guy, and someone else would be lucky to have him.  Some people here claim they can live great on a HHI of $80k, so they'd find him a catch.  Other women are happy to outearn their spouses, provided their spouses pick up the slack at home (but be weary; mothers who are breadwinners plus the default parent often grow resentful).  From what I've read, I don't think this guy is for OP. She likely would be happiest with someone with similar ambitions, values, and work ethic. [/quote]

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