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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job. 
 
Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.[/quote]

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this. 
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So you just dont want to work at all, and have your husband support you, but he doesnt make enough? It sounds like you wont let DH take on more household responsibility so you are running yourself ragged trying to do both. Take a more relaxed position, and both work towards a healthy happy future for your kids. [/quote]

I want to work, but I work in a volatile industry, and I am an anxious person. I want to be able to live on one income (his) and save my income / use it for things like college savings and vacations. I overwork now because of anxiety. I think I might be able to work less and stress about work less if he showed more initiative to earn more. I think this would give us the balance you are describing. [/quote]

You’re not thinking clearly. You work in a volatile industry that it’s not possible to do part time or dial back, yet you want to dial back, and you’re not qualified for anything else.

You’re incredibly anxious about money yet you want to divorce a person with a stable job and decent salary, but to whom you may need to pay some sort of support after divorce, yet somehow this will lead to less anxiety about money and less time and energy spent worry about work for you? And more time with your kids (who will be what - preschool age and an infant)?

I get it that your resentment of your husband runs deep and either he is clueless about how miserable you are or you are outwardly hostile to each other. Divorce may be the best thing for your marriage. But it isn’t going to solve the problems you seem to think it will - those are yours to solve internally.

My advice: individual counseling (and maybe medication) for you, marriage counseling for you both, meet with a financial advisor to get an honest picture of your current assets. Get through the next 2 months and then take 4-6 months of parental leave. After 2 months employ an executive search firm to help you identify transferable skills so you can downshift into something more suitable for your mental health and preferred lifestyle.

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