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[quote=Anonymous]
[quote=Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]
I am 4 months in, after 24 years together. And I want to try to work on our marriage (we are in couples therapy)but he is tired of my tears and anger and although he’s sorry for the EA he won’t say he will do anything to make the marriage work. He says our marriage was terrible before. I suspect he’ll leave soon. That is like being stabbed again. First a year long EA, lying and deceiving me over and over again (while I was begging him to work on our marriage because he was being so awful to me), then he says he can’t  take  any more of my anger and pain, and now he’s dancing around what I already know he’s going to do. So I get betrayed and then dumped.

I can’t stop shaking, no sleep, down 4 dress sizes in 4 months. Life sucks.[/quote]

PP, I am so sorry and sending you hugs. What a double whammy too.

How convenient for him that your pain and hurt are the problem here! It is often said that the betraying partner has to come up with all sorts of justifications to vilify the person they are cheating on. My cheating ex came up with the same sort of "our marriage never worked" talk when it had never been mentioned as an issue before.

I did find the suggestions to grey rock and do the 180 helpful. In the early stages it seems impossible but seriously try it. And not as a means to win him back but to show love to yourself. Hope you have some emotional support.

https://kellyjnickel.com/grey-rocking-a-powerful-strategy-for-coping-with-betrayal-trauma/

[/quote]

PP here. He told me last night over the phone that he is leaving me. And when I told him to get out of the house before I get home today (I'm traveling internationally for work) he got MAD. What a shit show. 2 AM my time and he was screaming at me about money, and how I'm going to turn the kids against him, and how our marriage was toxic. Apparently for 24 years, so it was never good? I was calm, but told him his life is going to change in ways he can't even imagine, because the kids (in college, but still) will be with me on holidays, in our house, with the traditions I created and nurtured, and he will be in his little apartment fuming over how I screwed him over.  Then he said he'll force me to sell the house or buy him out. Okay .... fun times. [/quote]

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