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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Responding as the wife cheated upon, apparently for years. I would have wanted to know sooner and would have appreciated being told. My life has changed dramatically and we have kids. But I truly regret that I did not know earlier, I did not have the full information and agency to make important decisions that impacted my life, career, and health. Please don't participate in making a fool of another woman and keeping another woman in the dark if you can help it.

I am curious about all the people who say don't say anything. Genuinely curious if you are saying this as a betrayed spouse or not. [/quote]

I am a betrayed spouse and understand where you are coming from, but if I understand this situation correctly, the OP's husband does not agree with telling the wife directly.  I don't think it's fair to expect the OP to create conflict in her own marriage over this.  With that in mind, I think having the OP's husband tell the friend that they both know and they want him to come clean is the best option in a situation with no good options.

[/quote]

Thank you. I decline to create conflict in my own marriage over this couple. The best I can do is not be fake friends with either.[/quote]

WTF?  You are not creating conflict in your marriage, your DH and his friend are.  I would never defer to my husband if he was asking me to do something I considered unethical in order to keep the peace in my marriage.  I could never have any peace with myself if I participated in gaslighting another woman.  Also, I would never trust my husband again if he insisted I keep such a gross secret - just shows he has no ethics.

Your husband needs to grow up - not threaten the safety of your marriage over this. [/quote]

Just to be clear, if you found out that your best friend was having an affair, you would, without hesitation, tell her spouse?  Knowing that it would end your friendship?  [/quote]

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