Reply to Should I go back to work to get DH to step up?

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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, I’m married to medicine too and I get it although my DH is not a surgeon and makes about 400k.

We’ve been married 15 years, have 3 kids and I hope to be married to him until we die. I have accepted that he is the way he is- he is not to be trusted to do the kid care or school pickup or whatever. He just isn’t. I have spent years fighting and being mad and considering cheating and divorce, but I calmed down during Covid and thought to myself- this is the father of my kids and I did make a commitment to him. He is not a bad man. I need to figure out how to be happy with him.

What I do is spend money (within reason) however I want and do not ask him or think twice ( I keep our budget so know how much we can spend). He does not care.  I make all our social plans and plan dinners out with girlfriends and get sitters- he does not care. I fly to see my best friends and bring a kid or two and set up childcare to help him. Again, doesn’t really care (doesn’t love it but doesn’t stop me).

I am happy, kids are great,  we have lots of sex, he is happy, our marriage is good. I think you need to focus on the constraints you have and make yourself happy. We’re not going to change these one in a million men and we are lucky to have them. Make friends with other surgeon wives. Go on fun trips. Stay married and don’t fight! Wish you the best. [/quote]

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