Reply to Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had what would be considered a rather prestigious finance job and quit to stay at home and be with my kids, close to 20 years ago.  Here is my take.

Finances:  I was sort of in a unicorn situation where I had family money and would have been fine if we got divorced, DH also had plenty of savings/family money, enough for us to be comfortable even if something happened to him.  Me brining in my income (which was significant) wouldn't have made a significant difference in our lives.  I could've also gone back to work if after a year or two I regretted the decision.

Personal:  I was well educated, great at my job, and loved it.  However, I would've rarely seen my baby if I'd kept working.  Working remotely or part time was not an option.  Times were different, this was in the early 2000s.  I think if I'd been a few years younger, I would've gone this route.  I worried about not feeling fulfilled, honestly, I didn't love all the aspects of taking care of small children.  However, it was not all about me.  I was doing what I felt was best for my family.  We did not have any family around to help. AT. ALL.  This was big and I think people underestimate how helpful it is to have someone who is around, even just once or twice a year, or in true emergencies.  DH's job was very demanding and he wasn't around either.  For posters that say DH pitched in cooking dinner every night, did laundry on weekends, etc., not everyone's job affords these options.  I could hire whatever help I wanted to help me, and basically had a blank check.  Many people bad or mediocre, some were good, and a few were excellent.  It was really hard to find the excellent ones who were available all the hours I would've needed to have kept working myself.  
Also, it turned out my kids had some learning disabilities and other challenges.  That can completely change the situation too.[/quote]

[b]Men who work see their kids rarely as well, and many women also have demanding jobs, but you never see men asked to justify their jobs. That's the issue with OP.[/b][/quote]

DH didn't have an issue seeing the baby, soon to be kids, here and there... some days for 5-10 minutes, some days not at all.  In fact, he preferred it that way.  I don't know how to say it other than that he didn't have a whole lot of interest in the kids when they were young.  While I was never asked to "justify" staying home or not, I, on the other hand, felt like my heart would've been ripped out of my chest if I'd only seen our baby 10-15 minutes each morning/night.  I stayed home, he worked all the time.  It worked for everyone.

Also... Remember you are in this for the long game... although DH did very little kid stuff or traditional housework when the kids were young...  Fast forward 16 years... we had a wild teenage boy.  DH took over with then, I was way out of my league while DH knew exactly what to do.  I don't know what I would've done without him.  As DS is now in college, DH is a much better mentor with career stuff/life stuff for a 20-something year old young man than I could ever be.

You are a parent for life, not just the baby toddler years... there are stages... and they never end.  For those of you with little kids, or even school-aged kids, this can be hard to see.

[/quote]

I honestly think this gets to the heart of a lot of it. Many women like OP are married to men who just aren’t good fathers. They don’t care if they see their kids. They are content to give distanced advice to teens and young adults. It’s more like a professional relationship than a parenting relationship.

If that’s the kind of father in the house, women basically end up forced to stay home. The mom is forced out of her job because the father is checked out and uninterested in being a parent.

It’s a sad situation and not good for kids, but you can hardly blame the women. They are doing the best they can. [/quote]

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