Reply to If you wanted to legally and safely annoy an apartment neighbor,

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why don’t you like them? Are you prejudiced? Did they wrong you somehow? If they’re not doing these kind of things to you, why can’t you get along? Perhaps you’re not cut out for living with a shared wall. [/quote]

They don't like me, and it is rooted in prejudice. They say nasty things about me to all our neighbors and never speak to me and glare at me whenever I see them. It makes me uncomfortable but there is nothing they have technically done to me. But I'd like to make it unpleasant for them to live there until they move. There are several reasons why they probably don't like living here, I'd just like to help them along and hopefully get a neighbor there who is less hostile towards me. They make me uneasy.[/quote]

Sounds to me like they know who they are dealing with. You are a devious and vindictive person. They probably should be wary of you and warn their neighbors.[/quote]

Comments like this are bonkers. You don't know any of the people involved! Probably you are projecting your own experiences with neighbors in the past onto this thread and drawing silly conclusions.[/quote]

What? The op was literally asking for tips on how to be a jerk in a sneaky way with the explicit goal to force their neighbor to move. There is never a justifiable reason to act in such a way. I think it is reasonable to conclude that this childish attitude is also apparent to her own neighbor. [/quote]

But she wants the neighbor to move because he is badmouthing her around the building and treats her poorly. That's actually a pretty reasonable reason to want someone to move away, especially if you've lived there a longtime. And OP specified "legal and safe." So she's not trying to harass the neighbors, just make them think "you know what, this is not the place for us."

I don't see why OP should have to put up with neighbors who treat her badly and try to ruin her reputation in the building. Their behavior sounds really nuts. I do think OP is justified in wanting to annoy them out of the building if she can find a way to do it carefully so it doesn't result in blowback on her.[/quote]

Wanting someone to move is reasonable. Purposefully plotting to annoy them is not. Annoying a neighbor intentionally with the goal of making them move away is clearly harassment. Trying to manipulate people without facing any “blowback” is antisocial behavior. I am amazed (but probably shouldn’t be) that so many nasty and manipulative people there are! [/quote]

Eh, it's more complicated than that.

Say you were Indian American, and you had a neighbor who hated you because of a racial prejudice (just assume for the sake of the hypothetical, you know for sure that they hate you for your race/ethnicity). In this situation, I would cook delicious curries three days a week, throw a big Diwali party, decorate my doors and windows with some traditional Indian decor (assuming compliance with building rules), listen to Indian pop music and watch Bollywood music (not too loudly, but I might tick the volume up one smidge louder than I normally would). Is this harassment? Or is it living my life in a way that is going to annoy the racist in unit 4C, in the hopes that he moves the heck out? I think the latter.

Another one. Say you have kids, and then someone moves in downstairs how HATES kids. You've lived in the building since before your kids were born, but suddenly the new neighbor is constantly complaining that the building should rip out the play area in the complex and put in a dog run instead, that kids should be banned from the community pool after 4pm, and complains any time your kids speak above a whisper or make any noise at all in common areas. In this situation, knowing that I'm protected by federal law that makes it illegal to discriminate in housing based on family status, I think my kids would suddenly get really into gymnastics, and I'd be enrolling them in piano AND drum lessons. And tap, I think my kids now do tap. Is that harassment? I don't think it is.

That's the situation here. The neighbor has a prejudice against single women over a certain age. He's made disparaging comments about her to neighbors. He's hostile. The way I'd handle it would be to live my single, professional lady life to the hilt. Dinner parties every weekend, I'm playing Chaka Khan and popping champagne for myself on a Tuesday night because I can, leaning in hard on the fact that as a single woman of a certain age, I have the means and freedom to do what I want. Will your building let you paint your door? Paint it hot pink and hang a leopard print door knocker. If not, I'd invest in a rotating series of loud, obnoxious door wreaths (neon rainbow for Pride month, bright pink Eiffel towers for the Paris Olympics -- Etsy is your friend here). Is this harassment? No! It is leaning in hard on an identity that is annoying a small-minded, controlling little ahole who doesn't know how to live in close quarters with a wide variety of people. Too bad for him, that's what it means to live in a condo. I'd lean in.

None of this is harassment. It's a little petty, but I would take petty over a prejudiced jerk any day. I'd have fun with it. What I would not do is accept that my craptastic neighbor gets to run around the building saying nasty things about me even if I've never been anything but friendly and polity, and ruin my enjoyment of my home. No way. You want to live in a condo building, you're going to have to deal with your neighbors and learn to live and let live. This guy 100% needs to learn that lesson.[/quote]

Wow. You should take your own advice and learn how to live and let live. [b]It is not your job to teach any grown adult a lesson. [/b]It wouldn’t work either way. Nobody in history has ever developed less hostile feelings towards a neighbor that is actively harassing them. Like it or not but you can’t control what other people say about you. Psycho drama.[/quote]

It is if it's a lesson they should have learned as a child but didn't. It takes a village, as they say.[/quote]

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