Reply to If you wanted to legally and safely annoy an apartment neighbor,

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I say don’t do harrass your neighbor OP.  The last time I lived in an apartment I had a neighbor harrass me.  My bedroom shared a wall with her and her husband.  She would bang on my wall or leave nasty notes on my door that she could hear me having sex all night.  Honestly, I was trying to be quiet and even rearranged my room to make it less noisy.  It felt like she just really had it in for me and would even sneer at me in the hallway.  Her husband always seemed super nice though. I felt bad for him.  [/quote]

Was she harassing you or were you having really loud sex all the time and she left you notes to let you know it was disturbing her?

Leaving a note for a neighbor that they are doing something that is causing a noise disturbance is not "harassment." Did the notes call you names or disparage you in any way? Or did they just inform you that she could hear your sex sessions through the wall and it was louder or longer in duration than she thought was appropriate in a shared building? It might be irritating to you, but I expect your loud sex was also irritating to her. It is not a reflection of her "having it in" for you, it was likely because she didn't like you due to the loud sex that was disturbing her sleep and her enjoyment of her home.

People are using the term "harassment" really liberally on this thread. Harassment is not just any interaction you don't like. Harassment is unprovoked behavior that intimidates or pressures a person. Generally harassing behaviors need to be repeated. So a note regarding something loud or irritating you are doing in your apartment is not harassment. Hanging wind chimes or ugly decor outside your apartment might constitute a nuisance (especially if they create a noise disturbance or violate building rules) but is not harassment.

Nasty looks probably could never rise to the level of harassment -- it's too hard for a look to be defined as threatening or intimidating (and some people's faces just look like that). They'd have to actually DO something. Yelling at you, making threatening or intimidating gestures, making repeated unprovoked demands -- these would be harassment.

I do think that starting a whisper campaign about someone in the building could be considered harassment, especially if they were spreading rumors that were untrue and very disparaging. Or simply making lots of disparaging remarks (that you are ugly or stupid, for instance) to neighbors. There are laws about libel and slander, of course, but there are also private causes of action regarding damage to someone's reputation. So if someone was being excessive about this behavior, it could rise to the level of harassment. It's tricky though because it could be hard to prove. But certainly I wouldn't want to live in a building with someone who was regularly saying nasty things about me to my neighbors, especially if the things they said were untrue or unfairly damaged my reputation.[/quote]

Yes, we probably had some long sessions but it wasn’t like it was way into the night.  And,yes some of her notes were calling me names and saying stuff like “You sound like a sl*t”.

And by the way, I didn’t just rearrange my bedroom, I also took apart my bed and did everything I could to make it as quiet and squeek-free as possible.   It made me feel like I couldn’t enjoy my own apartment.  [/quote]

Namecalling is totally unacceptable but ugh, listening to other people having sex is absolutely miserable. Personally I'd move. Maybe she wanted to and her "nice" husband that you are feeling sorry for insisted they stay.

It sounds like she was rude to you but I really feel bad for her too. I wouldn't want to hear it either.[/quote]

Sorry, I replied to the wrong post earlier.

Honestly, I don’t think I was being loud. At least I was actively trying to be quiet. I don’t want other people to have to listen to me either. There also may have been bias because my bf was black, but she left a number of nasty notes.[/quote]

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