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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see my in-laws quite a bit. But I don’t really enjoy them. They are anxious and self centered, but not toxic.

What I’ve learned from them is how much guilt does NOT improve relationships. It makes spending time with them painful. They want to lecture us and treat us like kids (we are in our lates 40s!). So, I’m more worried about how I’ll win over my kid’s eventual partners so that they enjoy spending time with me. [/quote]

I actually think this is what makes my in-laws great.  They (especially my MIL) put up with a lot of challenges from both sets of parents -- I think my MIL's MIL was pretty toxic, actually.  They spent a lot of time thinking about the kinds of parents/in-laws they did not want to be.  They have their foibles of course but they do work hard to build relationships with all of their children-in-law and they self-conscious about not wanting to make themselves obnoxious.

My parents have never been like this.  I love my family but they're not introspective at all -- and their relationship with DH is definitely tougher than mine is with his family.  I do have a good relationship with them, but I look to my in-laws as much more of a model for how to interact with adult children and their partners.[/quote]

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