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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The essential problem is that boys’ relationships with their moms look different from the mom’s perspective vs. the wife’s perspective:  what to the mom is a good, loving, and present son is often seen and characterized as an overly enmeshed momma’s boy by the wife.   And vice versa.

A lot of wives who are super close to their own moms aren’t comfortable with their husbands being similarly close to the MIL.  Wives don’t really believe that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, unless it’s to their advantage.[/quote]

[b]Because the sons are very close to their dads!![/b] Why does it only count for boys to be close to their moms? My dh is very close to his dad, but his mom complains she doesn't get enough attention. They go on guys trips often and he always wants to spend Father's Day with his dad. When I spend mother's day with my mom, there's complaining.[/quote]

Oh wow you’re especially clueless if you think a mother/daughter relationship is = to a father/son one.  There are plenty of sons who call their parents 1x a week if they are lucky.  Many of my friends didn’t know their son even had a GF until it was serious. A mother will typically know when a daughter has a first date and how it went.

Boys leave the nest and find a new woman to take care of them.

[b]I do think some of the insistence this isn’t normal is that it’s difficult to admit there are pros/cons to everything and this is a major downside of having sons.[/b] [/quote]

DP.  No, this is on the parents if their grown sons don't like talking to them.  Just like it was on my mom that of all of our parents (mine and DH's), she was by far my least favorite and the one I was least likely to talk to about anything.  (Strong mother-daughter bonds aren't guaranteed either.)

Look, I get that there are trends.  Studies have shown that relationships are [i]typically[/i] stronger when they run through women (maternal grandparents, maternal cousins, especially mother's aunt's children, etc.).  Of course there's something to what people have noticed.  The mistake is to act like this is fate.  There are clearly many exceptions to the trend and the key is to cultivate non-toxic strong relationships with your children.  Not just that, but teach boys to invest in family and home.

Just being present and nonjudgmental can go such a long way.  My in-laws have 3 sons.  They have great relationships with two DILs, including me.  There is one weaker relationship and for sure that is the marriage/family that looks a little bit like the pattern noted in this thread -- they live near the wife's family and don't travel to see the husband's side of the family that much.  But my in-laws go there.  They visit frequently, they get separate accommodation most of the time.  They never judge anything they do.  My MIL is 100% their son's favorite grandparent, although all 4 are great.

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