Reply to I have boys. Will I ever see them when I'm older?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Make sure both you and your DH model the behavior you hope to see in the future.
My DH will say he is close to his family, but literally ALL communication with them falls to me.  Planning travel, mailing cards and gifts, arranging FaceTime for our 2 young DDs, even texting pictures of the girls to their grandparents.  He makes very little effort at all to maintain regular contact, but he complains when we don’t see them or if we miss a birthday, etc.  
I take it on myself to manage the relationship with his side of the family because I was raised that family is important and effort should be made to maintain those bonds.  Plus, I genuinely like his family.  His brother is the exact same…all responsibility for maintaining a relationship with the family falls on his wife.[/quote]

Stop acting like you are a victim when you are a volunteer [/quote]

Where did I say I was a victim?  [/quote]

When you say things “fall to you,” and that’s not true.

1) Nobody has to do that labor
2) If you think someone should do it, you can tell him directly you think he needs to do it
3) But if you decide to do it, it doesn’t “fall” to you. You picked it up. Own that.[/quote]

If no one does that labor, it doesn't happen. He isn't going to do it and has no interest in doing it, so I do it.
Falls to me = I picked it up, yes...because I think, barring abuse or other extenuating circumstances, an effort should be made for children to know both sides of the family.    And you better believe I own that, yes.
Why are you so angry about that?  [/quote]

Why do you “know better” than him as to whether or not HE should have a relationship with them, or what that should look like? He chooses not to deal with them at that level. That doesn’t mean you are “right” when you decide what THEIR relationship SHOULD look like. It just means you are a steamrolling nag who has decided that you know best and he’s not capable of deciding what his own relationships should be like.[/quote]

No, you misunderstood.  He absolutely WANTS the relationship with his family.  He just doesn't want to put in the work to manage it himself.[/quote]

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