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[quote=Anonymous]I am one of the rape survivors who suggested counseling and that he stop drinking.  I was thinking and I’d have him get a vasectomy, too.  If you do ever resume having consensual sex, he needs to be the one who is preventing the births.

Given your update, OP, I am more optimistic.  Either way, with counseling, I know you will eventually be strong and at peace and confident in yourself and your parenting (whether you stay married or not).  When I was young, I said and did some horrible things while drunk.  I can’t imagine doing those sober and it’s hard to believe I did them.  That said, I had to live the consequences.  I’ve tried to make amends by no longer drinking among other things.  Nothing bad has occurred without the alcohol.

I love that you are angry!!!  I never got to that phase.  I was numb emotionally for a long time (this was a stranger and before I was married and had kids).  Don’t be surprised by other emotions that you may feel.  It may be like grief, since you’re mourning who you thought he was.  If he is remorseful, doesn’t drink, gets a vasectomy, and SHOWS over time that he is respectful and trustworthy, maybe things can work out.  If not, the counseling will help through that as well.  If you don’t like a counselor, keep trying new ones.  And remember you aren’t alone.  For all its faults, DCUM really does have a lot of caring and understanding people.  We are here for you!  Since you are with family, get as much sleep as you can.  I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you peace.  [/quote]

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