Reply to If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, would you help with son's wedding too?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you paid for a big wedding for your daughter, and your son is marrying someone whose family cannot afford a wedding, would you help them with their wedding financially? Or just say no, let them either have no wedding or put it on their credit card?  [/quote]

No.  In my mind it is not an apples to apples comparison.  I am South Asian. In my culture, the bride's side hosts more events in the multi-day wedding.  I am going to be spending more for my DD's wedding.

I am ok to throw a traditional wedding (of my choice and within my budget) for my daughter. I am also ok to throw a traditional wedding (of my choice and within my budget) for my son.  What does "my choice" mean?  It means that I play my part as the father of the bride or the father of the groom in a traditional wedding of my culture, and pay for the appropriate events and rituals of my culture based on my budget and sensibility.    It also means that for both the weddings, I am able to invite all the guests and relatives I want and at the very least I will pay the per plate cost for my guests for the main wedding and reception.  I will pay for all the traditional outfits for my DD and DS for the various events and I will select and buy the gifts for my guests and relatives.  My DD will be given a lot more jewelry than I will give to my DIL.

If my kids want to have a wedding of their choice, they can pay for it. I will come as a guest.  If I am allowed to invite all the guests and relatives of my choice, I will pay for the cost per plate of my guests.  I will also write a generous check at the end of the wedding .   However, if I am not allowed to invite and pay for my guests and relatives, I will attend as a guest and then write them a less generous check as a wedding gift.

Yes, I am using my money the way I want to for my kid's weddings.    They can accept a Hindu Indian wedding for free or they can pay for a wedding they want by themselves.

Obviously,  I will be spending more money as the father of the bride, because more events are hosted by the bride's side.  But, even the minimum amount that I will spend for my son's wedding will be at least 5x more than what a typical  American spends.  No, I will not be bankrolling my DIL's desire to have a big fat wedding similar to my DD.  If her family is unable to host the wedding events in a grand manner, then the wedding will be whatever they can host. It is their show. They need to marry off their daughter based on what they can afford.

I hope they show good financial sense and make good choices.  If it is an Indian family, they would have saved for their children's wedding in the same way that they save for their kid's colleges.

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