Reply to 12 yo daughter groped at school...at least twice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Report this to the police today!
Once the report is done inform the school.
Empower your daughter to defend herself, hit, scream or kick him in the balls if he gropes her again. [/quote]

No!  The school cannot employ [b]restorative justice[/b] if you involve the police.

Where is your concern for the boy who did this?[/quote]

I'm guessing you're joking? Restorative justice is a joke.[/quote]

Real Restorative Justice is amazingly effective at stopping offenders from re-offending.  But it takes a lot of training, consistency, and monitoring to make sure it's done right. So a lot that's called "RJ" is not really RJ, and makes people think what you said.  But make no mistake, there's abundant studies & evidence that done well, it's highly effective - including in some unbelievably complex, violent situations. And it is effective for both offender and victim, that's the whole point, to try to make the victim "whole" again as much as possible, while addressing a bunch of things with the offender that make them far far less likely to offend again.[/quote]

That's wonderful. I've never actually seen or heard of it being effective in DCPS. I would be happy to be proven wrong![/quote]

It is not effective for the victim. At all.[/quote]

I've worked in a court that practiced it. I've seen families of murder victims and actual rape victims themselves swear by it when it was all over. I understand that you don't believe in it, but don't for a moment try to speak for all the victims who said it actually was healing & effective when they thought nothing would ever heal them.  If a family of someone murdered or someone raped by the defendant feel that way, and the defendant once they do their time doesn't re-offend anymore, that is effective more so than most of what happens every day in this country.  Problem is it's very very hard to consistently do it right and you have to constantly be training staff and re-training staff.[/quote]

There is a big difference between a convicted murderer doing it through a court and an accused grouper using it as a way to escape punishment [/quote]

You're proving how little you know about this. Just about everyone caught doing something they weren't supposed to do and that they're getting in trouble for is looking for a way out. It would never be effective in schools (when done right) if "an accused groper wanted to use it to escape punishment" - Newsflash: EVERY kid accused of something they know they did wants to escape punishment.  Maybe read up on Restorative Justice and how it is supposed to work before you try to dismiss it while showing you know almost nothing about it.  When done right... it works very well. It is very hard to do it right, so it's hard to have as "The go-to consequence" in an overwhelmed school system that can't commit the staff & time to doing it well all the time.[/quote]

So is restorative justice the new communism? That’s never been implemented correctly so we’ve never seen how good it could be?[/quote]

+1 exactly, it's just a ridiculous talking point[/quote]

Is selective reading the new trend? There seem to be 2 of us saying Restorative Justice works when done well, that it's hard to do well, but that we have SEEN IT DONE WELL and there is plenty of studies and findings about it that show it's effective.  I've seen it work shockingly well in a court program and in schools.

But all of you intent on only taking away that it never works or it has never been done right so no one knows if it works, I seriously doubt you're out there finding better solutions for school discipline problems so not gonna worry that you choose ignorance about it.[/quote]

What are the chances that RJ would be done well?  Not very good.

A 12 year old girl deserves better, not to have a very likely crappy attempt at RJ that would leave her feeling  like the kid who groped her is more important.

Stop pushing it, please.

- someone who was groped.[/quote]

Good news: NO ONE in this entire conversation is pushing for Restorative Justice in OP's situation.  I'm one of the people talking about it and my first post said zero about RJ and suggested she do exactly what OP did do: Go in person to the school and talk to the teacher and/or the Principal. NOTHING about RJ, because as has been said a zillion times in this convo, it's so rare that it's done with fidelity, it's not something to ever suggest unless you know those who will conduct it know what they're doing.

So let's call the RJ conversation in her done, because it has only turned into a side conversation because someone labeled it "only an excuse offenders use to escape accountability" (those weren't the words but that was the meaning) and apparently at least 2 posters here are just pointing out it's very valuable when done well, but rarely done well over a long period of time and too many people slap the label on and don't do it.

But, for you and everyone else concerned, [b]NO ONE IS SUGGESTING IT / "PUSHING IT" FOR OP.[/b] [/quote]

Good!  Start your own post about the benefits of RJ, since apparently it was never meant to apply to op's daughter's situation. Kind of odd to bring it up in this post if it was never meant as a possible solution. [/quote]

I didn't bring it up. It came up when someone else said maybe that's what the offender will try for to get away with it, someone else said it was awful, and me and someone else responded to those comments. As happens endlessly on DCUM. That's how it started, and I'm good with ending it. Just don't say yet another thing about me starting it or pushing it for OP so I don't have anything to correct, and we're done.[/quote]

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