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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Much harder. Probably because I wasn’t actually parented.  My basic needs were met: food, clothes, shelter, medical care.  But past that, my parents weren’t involved.  No one read to me regularly, took me to the library, helped with homework or helped me work through things I was struggling with.  No one thought to put me in activities where
I could learn new skills or follow interests.  No one thought about saving for me to go to college, which colleges, helping with applications.  [/quote]

I hear you. My parents were exactly the same. But even as a child I was always aware they were bad parents and neglectful negate I could see that none of my friends’ parents were like that.

Having terrible parents made parenting easier in some ways because I always know what NOT to do. But the thing it’s made way harder is discipline and boundaries because I had no example of how to do this in a fair, non-abusive way. I feel I’m overly permissive because I’m so scared of being like my parents. Also, I had zero respect for them because they were abusive so I have no idea how to establish credible authority and respect with your children.[/quote]

Do you really think that parents who made sure all of your basic needs were met but just didn’t go the extra mile re: help with homework and putting you in lots if extracurriculars were “terrible” and “neglectful”?  Because that’s what the PP before you was talking about.[/quote]

My parents, is that you?

Yes, I do think that putting in zero emotional effort and constantly reminding your kids of the fact that you gave the bare minimum of care makes you a bad parent. But I was reading between the lines on that pp’s post. Their parents didn’t know or care about them emotionally, and I guarantee they felt that in subtle ways, and that is the pain they were trying to convey.[/quote]

I’m the PP you originally responded to.  And yes you are exactly correct in your interpretation of what I didn’t outright say.  Clearly I left out a lot of details, but you understand and yes it is/was painful and I put so much more time and effort into being a good parent to my children, in many ways.  
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