Reply to Is being a mom harder than you thought?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Much harder. Probably because I wasn’t actually parented.  My basic needs were met: food, clothes, shelter, medical care.  But past that, my parents weren’t involved.  No one read to me regularly, took me to the library, helped with homework or helped me work through things I was struggling with.  No one thought to put me in activities where
I could learn new skills or follow interests.  No one thought about saving for me to go to college, which colleges, helping with applications.  [/quote]

I hear you. My parents were exactly the same. But even as a child I was always aware they were bad parents and neglectful negate I could see that none of my friends’ parents were like that.

Having terrible parents made parenting easier in some ways because I always know what NOT to do. But the thing it’s made way harder is discipline and boundaries because I had no example of how to do this in a fair, non-abusive way. I feel I’m overly permissive because I’m so scared of being like my parents. Also, I had zero respect for them because they were abusive so I have no idea how to establish credible authority and respect with your children.[/quote]

Do you really think that parents who made sure all of your basic needs were met but just didn’t go the extra mile re: help with homework and putting you in lots if extracurriculars were “terrible” and “neglectful”?  Because that’s what the PP before you was talking about.[/quote]

My parents, is that you?

Yes, I do think that putting in zero emotional effort and constantly reminding your kids of the fact that you gave the bare minimum of care makes you a bad parent. But I was reading between the lines on that pp’s post. Their parents didn’t know or care about them emotionally, and I guarantee they felt that in subtle ways, and that is the pain they were trying to convey.[/quote]

Once again, we are witnessing the newest trend of words can mean whatever I want them to mean.

Less than ideal parents are not neglectful.  You should meet some kids who had to grow up in truly neglectful situations.

If you’re in therapy (which you almost certainly are) to help you “process” the “trauma” of not being taken to the library as a kid or having to figure out how to fill out a college application on your own (as a 17 year old who was apparently clever enough to go to college) you need to quit immediately and focus on something other than yourself.  This modern constant navel gazing isn’t helping you, it’s feeding your narcissism.[/quote]

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