Reply to Husband’s texts when I was out of town

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is worse with two houses. This won’t stop. [/quote]

This is what I experienced during the separation. He could not leave me alone. He would send me sometimes twenty emails a day about trivial practical stuff. As in twenty different threads plus replies etc. He would pick things apart and get very triggered and threaten me and call me names. I get upset just thinking about it.

Plus the coordination was terrible. Required a lot of back and forth. One house is much better.

We nested and did not tell the kids, we alternated almost daily and just said mommy and daddy have to work late. They didn’t mind at all. I feel glad at least we spared them that anxiety. [/quote]

I am the PP you responded to. Agree completely. People don’t understand this and they assume that when you get divorced, the stuff just stops when really it doesn’t and it only gets worse and more complicated when there are two houses because when they were kids, there is no freedom until they grow up and her out of the house. Divorced almost 4 years and it’s not better—and now we are going to start nesting probably again because the two house thing with this behavior is so much worse than being married and being in the same house. [/quote]

This is exactly it. We have two kids, two sets of activities and appointments. There is way too much back and forth to coordinate. Every time you sign them up for camp or activities that are not just on your days. Birthday parties and play dates (maybe that would be easier if people knew we were divorced — they didn’t know about the separation so they would text one of us and we coordinated as a unit). School events, recitals, sports. One kid is sick, need to explain symptoms. Discipline issue crops up, want to coordinate to be consistent.

Yes you can parallel parent but that’s not great for the kids. And it’s hard to explain to people with spouses who are rational/neurotypical how someone with these issues will find something to be angry and harass you about. He would also have a lot of feigned and real incompetence, asking about things he could have looked up himself or that I already answered. I didn’t want the kids to suffer si I would respond.

I found the separation absolutely exhausting and the kids weren’t even moving between two houses. It is ten times better now. I think I am just exhausted from the cumulative stress of this year.[/quote]

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