Reply to Just accepting unequal division of labor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You two sit together and make a pact to be intentionally kind, fair and helpful. No keeping scores, just try to be a good team.[/quote]

DP. Yeah, tried that. Just does not work with someone with weak executive function. Structure works. Good intentions do not. [/quote]

Good intentions make all the difference, structure only helps execute them. Unless one understands and feels genuinely concerned about unfairly overburdening their partner, nothing would change.[/quote]

So for the first time in their life they will simply *feel* bad for dumping on their wife and suddenly function like a true adult??!!

Ok. [/quote]

No. Thats why you date and live with one you intend to share a life, kids, home, finances and chores with. You make informed decision of if they'll make a caring partner or not. You may decide their shortcomings are worth it or not.[/quote]

Lol.

As if living in an apartment and working until 7pm with a male who owns 5 shirts, 3 trousers, and a subway pass is any indication of how he will deal with a needy kid, 4 Br house and yard, 4 people’s work, school and sports schedules, and two sets of grandparents.

Yeah. Keep not processing that answer everytime someone answers your exact question. [/quote]
+1. For some reason there is a subset of DCUMers who NEED to believe you can accurately predict what kind of husband and father a man will be mid-career based on what kind of bachelor and boyfriend he was early career. It’s obviously asinine if you just think about it a tiny bit.

My husband used to plan and cook for large dinner parties as a bachelor in grad school. Now he can barely make himself toast. [/quote]

NP. I'm one of these people, I guess. Obviously life got harder and more complex, but when I look at my husband and all my friends husbands... yeah. I could have accurately predicted who would have been a partner in childrearing and home keeping and who wouldn't. And I would have been pretty close to right. Not perfectly, some stepped up more, some stepped up less. But the dude whose apartment was filthy... is still not cleaning. The dudes who shrugged their shoulders at wedding planning and said "whatever" are still shrugging their shoulders about anything household or kid related. The ones who happily took on a large chunk of life responsibilities (like, who did all the cooking for their GF when they moved in together, not just on special occasions, but the regular day-to-day grind) are now cooking for their families of four. The one who could not get their act together to plan a vacation or who was always dreaming about the next big thing... can't handle any kid logistics and has four unfinished house projects going at any given time, most of which will never get completed.

The real difference I noted is that some women cared about this stuff and those who didn't seem to notice or care because (as you note) - when you're young and single, this stuff doesn't matter much. But the signs were there, in most cases, if you were looking for them. [/quote]

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