Reply to Husband wants to move out of DMV but my job is here

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here.  These are all helpful perspectives.  I make about 230 and he makes about 160.  He is open to somewhere near a cool town/small city like Burlington VT. [/quote]

I understand you love your job, but have you looked at how far 160k will go in Vermont?

As a PP said (I paraphrase): DC absolutely sucks for people who aren’t originally from the area.  You can deal with it for awhile because it does have a few perks, but eventually it is kind of a soul crushing place to live (and raise your kids) when you know from experience that a different lifestyle is out there…[/quote]

the idea that OP should give up her well-paying, flexible job that she loves so her WFH husband can move to a rural area is just bonkers. Wrong on every level. [/quote]

also the DC area is not “soul crushing.” we have access to lots of outdoor activities. if her DH isn’t getting out that is his fault. he’s blaming his malaise on DC (and now setting up a scenario where he gets to blame OP). he’s not 20. he needs to take responsibility for himself. [/quote]

+1 so tired of these DMV haters. I didn’t grow up here but I love the DMV. Great food, lots of diversity, smart and ambitious people, mountains and ocean within a fairly reasonable drive, and four seasons. This is a fabulous area for runners too.[/quote]

Sorry, I guess the DMV area can be okay if you are fabulously wealthy, enjoy being in your car for significant chunks of your day, and are hyper competitive in all aspects of your life.  Oh, and also enjoy swamp like weather in the summer, cold gray winters, and the most sprawling development as far as the eye can see.

For everyone else it’s just one step up from a hell hole.[/quote]
You just sound like a very negative person who would be unhappy anywhere.[/quote]

I AM actually a generally negative person, but we moved out of the DMV and I have never been happier.

I am really glad so many of you enjoy that lifestyle, but for many of us it is truly awful.  For example, the “fun places to hike and bike” generally necessitate that you first DRIVE to those places (unless as mentioned before you are wealthy enough to live in one of the genuinely walkable safe areas, which obviously most people are not).  Some of us don’t want to commute to our leisure activities as well as our jobs.

Again, good for you if you like the DMV.  A lot of people hate it for very good reason, and it sounds like OP’s husband is one of them, so taking the attitude that he is obligated to just suck it up and spend the next couple decades of his life in an area that makes him miserable is completely unfair.

Luckily it sounds like OP is far more reasonable than most of the DMV apologists on this thread, so they might have a chance.[/quote]

Most of the people I know who live in rural/vacation areas drive a lot.[b] And I’m sorry, if you have a burning need to live right on a lake or the beach, you should not have put down roots in a city and shaped your life around that[/b]. [/quote]

Life is long, my friend.  Feelings change.  Circumstances change.  Have you never tried anything thinking you’d enjoy it and then realized that you didn’t?  Have you ever genuinely enjoyed something for awhile, but then slowly stopped enjoying it?

Because his wife has a job she loves in DC, that means he has to stay here forever no matter how much he hates it? There is absolutely no room for compromise because he decided to live in this area however many years ago?

This is rigid thinking and I suspect it is coming from a place of deep anxiety.  The same kind of anxious thinking that would lead someone to think that 160K “doesn’t go far anywhere” as one PP said.  And while the husband says he wants rural, there are of course many options in between city/suburb and completely rural that could potentially satisfy both of them (small town in a nice location, maybe?)[/quote]

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