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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "If you have a mentally ill spouse "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m the ADHD poster and have been reflecting on the comments and realize I was projecting my situation onto many posters. In my specific case, which is too complicated to summarise, I had to reject the help I was receiving in order to step up and take responsibility. My spouse only wanted to take things from me to make my life easier, but it just enables and stressed me out. Then he’d criticise me for clutter and other things. Nothing I did was good enough and the more i tries to explain myself, the more resentful he got. Like he just wanted me gone. It actually made me worse mentally, but now that we are split and there are clear lanes for coparenting, I feel less stressed and overwhelmed and able to manage the increase in responsibilities. I am not bitter, I don’t blame. This is just the reality I am dealing with. [b]I have found help and support from other friends and professionals.[/b] But not from my ex-spouse or parents. [/quote] The bolded is obvious. Other friends and professionals did not have to deal with your dysfunction 24/7. They did not have to hold you accountable for a partnership because they had no such partnership with you. They could pick your phone calls when they felt like it and ignore when they wanted to. You are better off alone, true, but it has nothing to do with your DH and everything to do with the fact that you have are different. No one forced you to marry: you chose to. You chose to commit to a relationship with someone, and it makes sense that they were frustrated and perplexed that you were not keeping your end of the bargain. There is nothing wrong with being different or odd or mentally ill. It's not your fault. However, it cannot be the fault of the person you promised certain responsibilities to. You made a mistake marrying when a single life best suited you and your challenges. And I am sure your DH is happy he had a wonderful child with you, someone he loved. Glad you found your bearings and had a beautiful child in the course of it. Now it's time to wake up and take FULL responsibility instead of this half baked twisting you keep doing.[/quote] You are right, but just drop it. All three of them are better off now, she knows her limits.[/quote]
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