Reply to Anyone else realize how crappy their own mother was once you became a mother yourself?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I relate. My mother looked down on people with mental health issues probably because she herself struggled with anger, depression and anxiety. She saw us as objects to meet her needs. I had to get good grades and go to good schools to make her look good. Her rage made her quite verbally abusive which is why when I am under a lot of stress or go through a rough patch with parenting I get help. I will not be abusive toward my children. I will be a cycle-breaker.

Also, there was no protection. We had tremendous freedom, but any issues that arose were our fault. My mother would leave me and my siblings anyone, any age and if the person hit us or said inappropriate things it was out fault. It wasn't until someone witnessed a sitter being physically abusive with me in public, that my mother fired her and I had already brought the issue to her attention, but she blamed me. She only fired the sitter so a stranger would not think she was a bad parent if she witnessed me with the sitter again.

My mother had more than enough money to get herself help and she endless free time for self care. Yes, my grandma was crazy too, but because mom was the golden child she saw nothing wrong with abusive parenting. She blamed her siblings for their abuse.[/quote]

I just posted, but wanted to add I think you will get different responses from people who faced abuse then from people raised in stable households. Sadly I see from the responses a lot of people blessed with more emotionally safe circumstances don't seem to have empathy for those who grew up without that.[/quote]

+1,000,000

The older I get (52 now) the more I realize that the better off people are the less they have compassion for others with less fortunate lives - this is true of financial prosperity and also interpersonal prosperity.

Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but I really do feel the majority of people with charmed lives have little compassion for those of us who have suffered from the start by losing the parent lottery, or those of us who have struggled and continue to struggle to make a good living. Those misfortunes don’t reflect on character but charmed life people often feel they are somehow better people and that accounts for their blessings.[/quote]

It's true. The blessed folks think they were chosen for those blessings, that someone decided they deserved them. Which means, of course, that those of us withy screwed up, dysfunctional families simply were not good enough humans to deserve a happy, healthy family.[/quote]

I hear what you are saying but I have yet to meet a UMC family without some major issues. Not everyone shares their misfortunes. The one family I thought had a charmed life has both husband and wife dealing with serious health problems that are not obvious unless you spend a lot of time with them. [/quote]

How does the 'serious health problems' of your UMC friends impact their parenting? Are they blaming the kids for their misfortunes?  Do the kids have to take over parental responsibilities? Do the kids have to administer medications and clean bed pans?

No one said people are living misfortune-free lives.  We're saying that the majority of people who have not experienced trauma inflicted/allowed by parents and/or those who struggle to be successful have little compassion for those who have struggled to overcome obstacles.  That the privilege people like your UMC friends experience derive from their outstanding character and breeding rather than them winning the life lottery.  That doesn't mean they have no problems but when you've got money and had a stable upbringing, your POV can be pretty narrow and incomplete. [/quote]

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