Reply to Anyone else realize how crappy their own mother was once you became a mother yourself?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Something I realized after I had kids was that both my parents viewed my siblings and I as competition, and that much of their behavior stemmed from jealousy. Especially when we were teenagers, and therefore more like adults. Instead of being proud or encouraging when we got good grades or excelled at something, they’d often criticize or minimize it, because they found it threatening. They were both very insecure and hated the idea that any of us kids would surpass them.

They also tried (and in some cases succeeded) in creating codependent relationships with us. My mom especially loved it when one of us failed because they could swoop in and “rescue”, which would also involve a lot of condescension from both of them. It was a relief for them to re-establish themselves as dominant and superior.

I moved faaaaaaaar away to get away from that dynamic, but I didn’t really know what it was until I had a child and understood, by contrast, how much my parents’ behavior was driven by competition and jealousy instead of love, support, and guidance.[/quote]

Ugh this resonates so much with me. My mom is a jealous, jealous woman. Growing up she constantly put everyone else down and made everything a competition between me and other girls. She thought somehow that if I was better then that made her better. She shit talked even her one close friend. As I grew up and got away from her and was successful she would constantly put me down, saying I should be in another career, my husband was prob cheating on me, I should be doing xyz with my kids. She would never help me with anything - not emotionally, not my kids, not financially. And when something would go wrong in my life she would gleefully swoop in and revel in my misfortune. When I saw her begin to treat my young daughter in the same ways I cut contact for good. [/quote]

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