Reply to Will I regret not having a third?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am in the exact same boat as you in terms of always thinking I would have three and wanting the third, but my husband doesn't. I am agonizing about it.

Reading this thread, which is mostly arguing to stop at 2, I think it's regional. I lived in DC for many years and just recently moved to the sunbelt. I think the DMV is very culturally different -- I really think parents are way more stressed by kids, and the local culture promotes feeling resentful towards children or highlighting the stressful parts, whether that's career-related or whatever. I agree with the person who said parenting is difficult but worthwhile. Maybe we're all chasing total happiness and bliss 24/7, which is impossible and setting us up for disappointment.

My question as I, too, contemplate this is: How is one more THAT much more stressful than two? Two is already hard! But how can one more person in the house add so much incremental difficulty? Or more difficulty than can be offset by the joy and fulfillment? I'm genuinely asking. [b]I was shellshocked going from 0-1 because it's a total lifestyle change. But 1-2 was basically zero adjustment for me -- we were already in the trenches![/b]

Besides an entire added human worth of expenses (which is a huge argument, I agree) and keeping the whole family down in the baby years with naps etc., I don't get how it's that big of a lifestyle change. But it DOES seem like it would be incrementally fun and lively and joyous and fulfilling.

Genuinely asking.[/quote]
NP, but I had the opposite reaction. Going from 0-1 felt pretty easy. We just took the baby in the car seat to do most of the things we had done before (which was mostly going to friends' houses, maybe out to dinner on occasion, baseball games). But 1-2 was so much more to juggle (giving two kids attention, the financial commitment, figuring out two sleep schedules, planning meals around two totally different palates, etc). At this point, I don't know if going from 2-3 would add that much more complications and stress.[/quote]

I agree. I hear so many people say how hard going from zero-1 kid was but not for us. Having 1 kid was easy! Having 2 kids was really hard at first (we had our second when our first had just turned 2 and it essentially felt like having 2 babies…2 in diapers, 2 in cribs, etc) but has mostly gotten easier as they’ve gotten older. It all depends on health issues/disorders as well as your personality and your kids’ personalities and temperaments. Obviously it’ll be harder if you have a kid who is chronically ill or has special needs or learning disorders. Obviously it’ll also be harder if you’re a type A controlling person and your kids are wild and rambunctious and your house is always in chaos.

I always thought I wanted a big family but it turns out 2 is plenty of kids for me. 2 is a lot of work! I already feel spread too thin and not having enough time/energy/money for 2 kids. Plus having kids I realized some things about myself: I like alone time, I dislike loud noises and messy houses and general chaos/disorder. So having a big family doesn’t go well with the personality traits I have. I think I’d be very stressed if I had 3 kids.[/quote]

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