Reply to How much of your daily life revolves around your kids?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "How much of your daily life revolves around your kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Less than a generation ago adults could still be adults

Reject the parenting arms race and take your life back[/quote]

But this thread is just engaging in a different kind of arms race. Instead of being the perfect mom, it’s being the perfect person— perfectly balancing parenting with a fulfilling career, active social life, hobbies, and personal fulfillment. It’s the same BS as always, where we set the bar insanely high for women and then keep changing the rules in them.

My mom was a middle class SAHM (she married at 19 and never got a college degree) and she was pretty much enslaved to her kids and home. I think this is true of many women throughout history. Whereas dads only recently got involved in the service of parenting. So the arms race of motherhood is NOT a recent phenomenon.

Unlike my mom, I got a college degree and graduate degree, didn’t marry or have a kid until my mid-30s. I’ve had a hard time finding balance as a mom, and its partly because I have no role model for it. My mom was a martyr but not out of choice. I can sometimes fall into mommy martyrdom and have to watch it, but I also find the expectations of others sometimes push me into it too— the exacting high standards of modern parenting that largely fall on women. But then the expectation on top of that to be successful at work AND have a social life and a “full, enriching” life outside parenting.

It feels like a game designed to ensure I can’t rest, and will be judged harshly no matter what I do. [b]Like even if I successfully balance family and work, I’ll get judged for not also being well read and having an active social life and playing pickle ball? But of course, if I do all those thing and it impacts my kid, I’ll be judged an inadequate mother. If I let work slip then I’m either bad at my job or (if I take a mommy track job) not living up to my potential. Oh, and if my job isn’t deeply fulfilling (while also never exceeding 40 hours) then I guess I’ve failed at that too.[/b]

So my radical contribution to this thread is this: it doesn’t matter to ME how you do it. I don’t think you need to strike the perfect balance. It’s okay if you don’t have hobbies. Maybe you find parenting sufficiently fulfilling to not need them. Maybe you would rather focus on work. Maybe you have limitations like a crap partner, financial limitations, or you’re just tired, and therefore life is about surviving not thriving right now. That’s a-ok with me. I don’t think you need the perfect balance, a fulfilling career, or a hobby to get it right. You getting by? Good for you— they don’t make that easy.[/quote]

WHO CARES?!?!?

Seriously, who are these people who are judging you and why do you care what they think about you?

I'm content with all the choices I have made for my life, how we fed our babies, how my marriage works, how I spend my time, etc. So I couldn't care less what you or anyone else (save my husband and children) thinks about it. Why would I? It's flabbergasting to me that people let others make them feel guilty.

You know who doesn't care about this stuff? You know who doesn't get all bent out of shape about what people are going to think of them? Men. So be more like that. Get some therapy or read some books and live your life the way YOU want to live it. I promise, it's way more fun than worrying about Jan judging you for feeding your kid formula or stressing that Cindy tsk tsked you when you discussed your weekend away with your friends or panicking because Melissa thinks being a stay at home mom means you're worthless.

If it works for you, then good for you, DO THAT![/quote]

DP - your post reads as very judgmental.  I’m guessing that wasn’t your intent, but scolding people for caring about this stuff isn’t helpful.  You’re doing the thing PP is protesting: judging someone harshly for doing something different than you, in this case, having feelings about something you claim not to care about.  Having feelings is part of the human condition, even if they’re not the feelings you would have in this situation.[/quote]

DP and I disagree. This post is not judging PP, it's judging our society.  PP is annoyed at a society that puts all this BS and worry on the backs of women.  Rightfully so.  PP is calling on women to lift their heads and see what's in front of them, make their own choices and own those choices.   Somebody has to point it out.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics