Reply to I cannot stop feeling so deeply angry at someone

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I had a best friend who hurt me deeply and suddenly. I held on to that hurt and anger for years, like 10-15 years. Looking back, I think I held on to all of that hurt for so long because I felt like it would only go away if I understood why it happened. Which of course wasn't going to happen. Also I felt like if I let the pain go then my friend would "win"...like I was winning, holding on to things? It made no sense but that's how it was in my head. Like she would get away with it if I moved on.

What booted me out of this circle is that another really painful thing happened. And when looking at the newer pain, I thought, am I going to hold onto this pain and anger for another 15+ years like I did with the old pain? And for whatever reason that was the jump I needed to move past things. I did have a good therapist then helping me work through a lot of stuff I was dealing with at that time. I was learning new coping skills and reframing both past and current experiences in my life. Maybe work on things like that instead of addressing the issue directly? Maybe with new coping skills you can deal with your anger and the anniversary in a healthier way which will help moving forward.

Not sure if this helps at all but good luck.[/quote]

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