Reply to Would you pay 200K for a baby that isn't biologically yours?

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Reply to "Would you pay 200K for a baby that isn't biologically yours?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I can speak to this. I’ve done 6 rounds of IVF with OE and 2 with DE and have never had success. I have one final DE embryo remaining and if it does not work, my journey will be over. I have never considered using a surrogate simply because I can’t afford it.

The vast majority of women will never be in my position, so they really can’t know how they would or would not react.

Nobody makes these decisions all at once. It happens bit by bit and as you go through the process, your heart aches more each time, you feel “wronged” a little more each time, and the sunk costs become more and more of a propellant to keep you going in the hope that you will finally succeed and it will have been worth it.

My DH and I did pursue adoption midway through this journey. We realized that it would be more expensive, more heartbreaking, and more ethically complicated than the path we already were on, so we went back to IVF.

Of course I’m sad that any child we potentially might have will not be genetically related to me. Then again, who is to say my genetics are so hot? After all, I’m infertile.

To me, the opportunity to raise a child, love them, and help them flourish seems like the greatest privilege there is. I hope I can be a part of that. The joy would outweigh the sadness of not having a genetic link to my child.

I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I may end up with nothing to show for it except a lack of a retirement fund and a whole lot of tears. For those of you who cannot help but judge, please remember that nobody WANTS to make these choices. We are always choosing the least bad option that we feel we can live with. After so much pain, at least I won’t be left with any regrets about what more I possibly could have done. I hope you all count your blessings.[/quote]

I went through what you are going through and I understand the pain.  Big hug to you.  The only thing I can say is what someone with similar experience told me when I was where you are now---you WILL get through this, as painful as it is.  And I hope for you that the path that it is right for you appears.  It may not be the path you originally wanted or expected.  I was very much uninterested in adoption---for some of the reasons you cite---but ultimately it became the right path to parenthood for us in a specific context.  I know couples who came to the decision to remain child-free and became wonderful godparents, aunts/uncles.  There is a path for you---you are currently just in the most painful part of the journey.  Hang in there.[/quote]

Adding my hug to her's.  Your description is so accurate -- all alternatives are expensive and complicated.  It was such a difficult time and incredibly painful.  I also hope for you a path.  I eventually came through the other side, have one child and made some very dear, now longtime friends in the process.  [/quote]

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