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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What’s the psychology behind middle aged women who act cliquish and gatekeep friendships? Who can’t be polite at kids’ games, and try to establish some sort of hierarchy? I don’t get it.[/quote]

I can turn it around on you:

Why do you think you’re entitled to friendship with women you don’t know? Sounds pretty delusional, to me. Like a guy who thinks he should be able to get the phone number from any woman he sees.

Honestly, there are only so many hours in a day. Once you have your chill and really tight clique and a routine with them, why waste time or energy making new friends? You’re content and in a good space. Looking for more friends would seem thirsty and suggest you’re not happy with your current friends. And broadening your friend group just waters down the actual bonds, you know; if not also invites additional drama and stress.[/quote]

What you are missing is that the gatekeepers work to prevent friendships with OTHER people.

When I’ve encountered this, the whole problem is that I don’t want to be friends with the gatekeeper because they are gossipy (I hate gossip) and feel transactional and seem to lack boundaries. Those are all huge turn offs.

But then if I start to become friends with someone else in the community, the gatekeepers will try to prevent it from happening, through gossip and exclusion, because they feel threatened by a relationship that doesn’t flow through them. They sense my dislike and it makes them mad.

The gatekeepers are the source of stress and drama. Without them, people would form friendships or not but everyone would make their own choices. The gatekeeper fears that if this happened, they wouldn’t have friends, or “enough” friends, and it terrifies them. So they seek to control everyone to guarantee their social circle. Often lots of people complain about the gatekeepers and don’t even seem to like them. Yet they exert control through social tactics. [/quote]

Why would you want to be friends with someone so spineless as the fall under their sway? This is all helpful, presorting of people for you. [/quote]

The gatekeepers worst fear is people thinking for themselves and seeing what the gatekeeper really is - but the gatekeeper really is their own worst enemy because people can smell them a mile away.  We've all been to middle school, years ago. [/quote]

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