Reply to ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is 6. 6 years old. I have one kid with ADHD and one without. I also have ADHD and I can assure you that non-ADHD 6yr olds also struggle with some of these things.

What systems are you putting in place to help her be successful?

What behavioral supports are you providing? Checklist on a dry erase board? Visual timer? Constant routine? Minimizing distractions while she is eating or finding a nook for her to eat away from the chaos if there are lots of people running around, asking about lunches or other questions.

What are you doing to teach her executive functioning skills? You can’t just tell a kid (with or without ADHD) “pack your backpack” or “clean your room”. You literally need to teach them every step of the process - how to do it, what order to do it in, and how to know if it was done correctly.

Why can’t she get up in the morning? What is her bedtime? Can she fall asleep on her own in a reasonable time?

Running around shouting reminders in the morning and expecting her to magically “get it” is not helping and is probably making her feel like crap about herself. Kids do well when they can. It’s on you to create the environment to support her success. Take a hard look in the mirror - are you chaotic, frazzled, and stressed in the morning? Kids with ADHD often have at least one parent with ADHD. She’s 6. You are an adult. Put your own life jacket on first and then he’ll your kid if she’s struggling. She is not making you late. Your family dynamic and morning routine is making you late. [/quote]

+100 She is not the problem here--she's 6! You're giving her a lot of attention, and inadvertently reinforcing a lot of the behaviors you don't like.

Drop off what you can from the demands. See what you can do the night before. Look seriously into making visual checklists featuring pictures of her doing every step in the process of whatever the task is--making this can be a fun activity for you both. Start with one task to master.

And maybe most importantly--look inside yourself. [b]My anxiety and frustration with my own ADHD behaviors was making my reactions much bigger than they had to be. I was escalating a lot of situations in order to have the control I felt I needed. [/b]When I let go of a lot of things by choice, my life got easier. Saying that FWIW.

Check out the ADHD Dude on YouTube, and locally, Dr. Shapiro.

Good luck!

[/quote]

I am the ADHD parent you are replying to and the bolded text nails it. I have a NT spouse and he handles morning routine or any event where we have to leave punctually so much different than I do and that helps me have a different perspective. NT people, especially those without an ADHD kid, might not realize that ADHD people can swing to two wildly different extremes in these situations. I have ADHD and I am never late to anything- ever. But it comes at a cost. I am fixated on being punctual and I go into “waiting mode” for important deadlines where I am scared to start something or do anything not related to the deadline lest I get distracted and miss it. I can also get anxious or short tempered if my plan is disrupted. Other people with ADHD have “time blindness” where they think they have more time than they do and get distracted or lose track of time.  It would not surprise me if OP has a rigid plan and an inability to adjust the plan on the fly while the daughter tends towards time blindness and distractibility. [/quote]

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