Reply to Boyfriend didn't get me a v day gift

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”.  Don’t set yourself up for misery. [/quote]

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday.  Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese?  Be honest.  If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40  year old to cry over.  There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed.  Cry over that.
[/quote]

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that. [/quote]
The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building! [/quote]

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door. [/quote]

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker. [/quote]

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable. [/quote]

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.[/quote]

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior. [/quote]

This is so obtuse.  There is something you care about in your relationship.  There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it.  Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you.  So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?[/quote]

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.[/quote]

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's [b]what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on[/b] that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.  [/quote]

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you. [/quote]
What? The proof he didn’t keep his word is that he said he would get a gift and didn’t. She didn’t have to spell that out in the OP, most of us get it. [/quote]

No one is talking about proof. Maybe they had an agreement to exchange gifts. It's clear from the OP, the title of the thread, and OP's responses, that she is bent out of shape about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not about him breaching some agreement. It's ok to be superficial, but just own it. You really care about a Hallmark holiday. I think it's embarrassing, but plenty of other people care about it, too.[/quote]

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