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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you don’t want to be with SIL why are you pretending it’s about the rooms?[/quote]

We would stay with them if the rooms were suitable. The difficulty is that explaining we don’t want our nephew unsupervised with our kids would kick off a huge and unnecessary family drama— we don’t care if he’s medicated/in therapy/doing sports, we aren’t risking our kids safety and it’s not up for discussion. 
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You need to be the one to supervise! Quit putting this on others. Then you don’t need to bring it up with anyone and you will know your child is safe! [/quote]

We are always the ones the supervise. We do not allow unsupervised visits with this family or leave our kids with my in-laws, ever.

DH told them we will be staying in a hotel this year. His mother did a 15 minute monologue about how we should stay with them, DH did not engage. At the end of it he said “thanks mom. Since you’ve told me how you feel, don’t feel like you need to repeat it in front of Four Y/O”.

His dad has been trying to reach him since then so I don’t think he feels the subject is closed, but at least expectations are set.

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