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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OK at this point it's pretty obvious that you are tip toeing around the nephew issue because you are deliberately leaving out any information about whatever express or implied quid pro quo if you do not agree to expose your own children to the nephew.  The most likely is that you are afraid of some financial repercussion from the in laws, but it could be something else.  No one in their right mind would consider having to be constantly vigilant of the nephew tolerable even for an hour much less a day or more.

What are you afraid will happen if you draw the clearly necessary bounday of no contact between nephew and your kids?

The SIL or MIL will cast you as the bad guy?  Then what?  These are  your own children. If nephew decides one day it would be fun to poke out a four year old's eye or bite off an ear your life will be forever and dramatically changed, as will your child's.  No amount of lost college funds or lost inheritance is worth it.[/quote]

My husband wants our children to have a relationship with their other cousins, who are their only similar-age family on his side. There is, as yet, no dividing the oldest from his siblings. [/quote]

As stated up thread, your in laws entire family including your own husband is a web of dysfunctional enabling.  There is no rule that requires the violent nephew to be inseperable at all times from his siblings.  Just that your SIL does this to enable the child, and as a form of emotional blackmail to the rest ofnthe family.   Your MIL enables the SIL, the FIL enables all of them, your husband also wants to be part of the enabling, and now, you too.

Meanwhile, because the entire family is engaging in dysfunctional codependency, the nephew is not getting proper medication, therapy, or other appropriate intervention so that everyone else has to be in constant alert to deal with the next act of criminal and violent behavior.  Assaulting other people is a crime even if a child does it and even if the child is prosecuted as a juvenile not as an adult.

You first need to decide, for yourself, to be a mentally healthy and functional adult and mother.  You have to make it very clear to your husband that you are no longer willing to expose your kids to this nephew even if there are other adults watching because that in itself is dysfunctional and does not address the nephew's issues properly. It is also no guarantee that your children will be safe.  You will not permit your children or yourself to be used as pawns any longer.

If your husband wishes a relationship with the nephew and neohew's sibs, he can visit without your children.  You will stay home with them.

With a family dynamic as unhealthy as your in laws and husband seems to be, no doubt there are a plethora of other issues, but the safety of your children is an ansolute deal breaker.

Grow a spine OP.  If not for yourself, then fir your innocent and vulnerable children.

[/quote]

I’ve rarely seen so much projection about a situation that isn’t backed up by what OP has said in this thread.[/quote]

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