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[quote=Anonymous]NP.  I'm in my mid-50s, married 20+ years and have 3 older teens.  My DH has ADHD/depression.  He also is terrible with money, buys takeout all the time while I'm always packing lunch/coffee - to the point that we have had serious financial problems.  He makes a fraction of what I make and our combined HHI is about $150K and we can't afford to outsource anything.  Even when he's not cycled into a depression, I carry a far more substantial load.  When he's cycled into a depression, it's far, far worse.

The biggest difference between my DH and yours is that my DH doesn't blow up like yours and treat me so disrespectfully.  My DH also recognizes his limitations/challenges and will actually do the stuff he's been tasked with and he appreciates a list.  We came close to divorce (I'd consulted with an attorney and communicated my intentions to DH) when he'd been in a long term depression and refused to seek treatment even though I'd made appointments for him and was willing to drive him.  I had reached the point that I realized things were not going to change, that I didn't want our kids to think this was 'normal'. I needed to be separated from him and our kids needed at least one healthy parent and healthy home environment.  My own mental health was suffering and I 'caught' his depression.

Clearly, your husband isn't going to change.  Household work is not the problem.  The problem is you don't have a respectful, emotionally regulated partner.  Whether or not your husband takes this work opportunity, your life isn't going to get better.  Are you willing to accept that?  If not, I will remind you that the only person you can control is you and your reactions.  Hugs.  [/quote]

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