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[quote=Anonymous]The OP made perfectly clear that we are talking about a heterosexual wedding so I don't understand the feigned confusion.  She referred to her child as DD and to the fiance's parents as "his" parents.  So just stop.

We have four daughters.  Three are married.  We paid for all three weddings and never asked the grooms' parents for anything.  Each offered to contribute in some significant way, and when they did we accepted, but there was never any explicit discussion of money or cost-splitting.  They'd say, for example, "let us pay for the liquor" and we'd say "great, thanks."  One simply cut their son a check to do whatever he wanted with it.  Etc.  We then just did whatever we wanted.

OP's post makes clear that the groom-to-be doesn't want a big wedding.  If that's the case, problem solved:  OP pays for a small wedding to which only close family and friends are invited.  Extended family on both sides and friends of the parents are excluded.  End of story.  If the groom-to-be were insisting on a big wedding that his parents were unwilling to pay for, it would be a different story.  But that's not what's happening here.  What appears to be happening is that OP herself (or maybe the bride too?) wants this to be a big wedding but wants the groom's parents to pitch in.  She has no right to do that, because it goes against both the wishes of the groom himself and his parents.

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