Reply to I made a huge mistake. Never should have Married DH. Now what?

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Reply to "I made a huge mistake. Never should have Married DH. Now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I marched through a field of red flags.
I genuinely hoped that some things would get better.
I turned a blind eye and crossed my fingers to others.
DH will never choose me. 
He will never ultimately include me on his team, priority 1, over his family of origin.
He is so enmeshed with his family of origin, unwilling to admit that they have any faults. It is always 0 them 100% me to blame.
A somewhat vague example- he has a distant relationship with his brother. Over the last few years, brother has been slowly cutting off contact with DH and other family members and he does not know why.
Recently, brother has been intentionally rude. Will not answer phone calls, emails or texts from certain people. He Invited their sister and her family to holidays and childrens bday parties but excluded DH and other relatives. 
Preceding all of this, brother has been rude to me in the past- often in subtle ways. After an incident at our baby girl's baptism in which brother said he was not interested in interacting with/holding/ touching our new baby (his niece), I told DH, "I am done. I will be civil polite, but I am not interested in a relationship with him beyond that. My newborn child- This is my boundary."
And I have been true to my word. I have not seen brother much in the last few years, but when I have, I am civil, polite, but distant. I will not entertain people who made it a point to actively reject my child.

To my enmeshed DH, boundaries do not exist. He believes that "real families don't do boundaries."
This was a death sentence for me. According to DH, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever done to him. 
The problem was not what brother said or did. THe problem was my response. I dared to implement a boundary. I dared to call out bad behavior. I did not follow the family line of staying quiet and just letting brother be a jerk.
He resents me for not engaging in the dysfunction.
This theme comes up often. 
He will always look to blame me for my response to a situation, rather than open his eyes to the situation. 
I cannot imagine split custody. 
I dont know waht ot do.
[/quote]

Omg OP.  Maybe you never had a close family.  Family is family whether rude or not.  They aren't friends you can pick and choose.  DH can't choose who his sibling is.  That's his brother!  My brother in law is obnoxious, aggressive, and talks sh-- about me.  But I take the classy, high road.  I am polite.  Am I chummy?  No.  I'm not drawing lines in the sand and demanding my husband cut off family members either.  Get a freaking grip.  Maybe you were kind, they were rude.  Ok.  But you need to stop taking things so personally and having black/white thinking and trying to cut off DH from his family.  It's not an acquaintance or college buddy here. [/quote]

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