Reply to I made a huge mistake. Never should have Married DH. Now what?

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Reply to "I made a huge mistake. Never should have Married DH. Now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People who are conditioned to not have boundaries, will never have the courage to build any. You have two options, one to protest and cause him to develop resentment for you or do as expected and develop resentment for him. They have the power to hold your relationship hostage at their whim, even if its not their intention because your husband needs their approval or live in guilt, shame and depression of not doing the role he is destined to do.

It would need lifetime of therapy to find insight and courage to undo that conditioning. Only a very patient, loving, understanding and emotionally strong spouse can survive without developing depression. [/quote]
[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op you are never going to have a partner that you don’t have to compromise with, or that you will be 100% the same values and see eye to eye with on everyting-jobs, child rearing, in-laws, wedding, etc.  most married couples have the same disagreements you have cited wrt in-laws and careers.  We find a way through it -that’s what marriage is, it’s NOT about having someone who rescues and supports you 100% the time.

Do you honestly think you are right 100% of the time and he’s always wrong? That’s never the case. Nothing you’ve posted is divorce-worthy, all of it is couples stuff my friends and I complain about and we commiserate.  Stop sweating the small stuff and move on with your life focusing on the good things you have!

I’m sorry, but if you divorce over this petty stuff I suspect you will regret it in 5-10 years, maybe that needs to be the painful lesson you learn but it’s sad for your kid you can’t be more mature. [/quote]

I dont disagree with you!
I will continue with my individual therapist. I have asked him in the past to perhaps find marriage counselor of his choosing for us.
Since the last 2 he refused to keep going after they said things he did not want to hear.
I have a lot of great things in my life. I have so much much to be grateful for, and I am appreciative.
Just being honest, he is the consistent and constant wild card in my life. I am blessed and feel 100% confident and secure about my child, my parents, my friends, my job, my hobbies.
It's my husband that is the source of the most doubt in my life.[/quote]

OP- Have you asked your DH point blank if he considers you & the kids the main family unit?

You say that he "generally backs you up" but refuses to hear ANY criticism of his parents and family? Then how does he back you up?  Is it pointed out to him that he needs to be the MOST protective of YOU and the kids?

Do you want to be closer and have a more intimate relationship with DH? I know you feel blocked but I think you need to ultimately understand what he wants as well.

I'd give this more work, therapy and conversation.  Some people WANT these things just don't know how to do it and it will take time.  They also are not properly putting their parents and family in the proper place because they haven't for so long.
However, if he fundamentally views marriage as not having a true intimate partner in which you have each other's backs, then that is unworkable.  [/quote]

Respectfully this is a very American view of family and marriage. Doesn't mean it's wrong, but doesn't make it right either[/quote]

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