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[quote=Anonymous]Oof.

[i]All things being equal*[/i], having an only is easier.

It's not AS MUCH easier as often imagined, because it's not just "less parenting," it's different parenting.

And it's not half the parenting of 2, or one third the parenting of 3 or whatever.

The main issue is that there are some efficiencies of scale when having more than one. There are a lot of basic things a parent has to do regardless of family size. Some of them increase time/money/energy expenditure quite a bit with each additional kid, or even more than double. But many of those increase only very slightly with each additional kid, and occasionally not at all.

So you have to manage sibling relationships-- that adds a lot of work (IMO)! And you may be pulled in literal different directions with additional doctor's appointments, sports, recitals.

But then, often having more than one [i]reduces[/i] your need to engage directly, if they can get along for any length of time. It may also be true that you can schedule fewer playdates and paid or unpaid "activities." Yes, not all siblings get along, so see above. But it's probably mostly true that parents of 2+ get at least periods in their children's lives where they can spend some less-supervised time together.

On the other hand, the more kids you have, you don't spend that [i]exact multiple[/i] on clothing (hand-me-downs can cover a big chunk!), babysitting or necessarily hotel rooms, or even private school tuition (I wouldn't know, but I think there's usually at least a 5% sibling discount). In terms of time, you can book a camp for 2 kids often as quickly and easily as you can for one-- or it takes 10 additional minutes to fill in one more form-- etc.

There's also some psychic investment time that isn't doubled with two kids, especially since you've hopefully learned something from having the first one. Yes, you might need a different method of feeding or discipline or potty training for the second or third kid, for example. But you don't have to learn again what potty training entails, and maybe you can correct mistakes you made with the first one.

And then sometimes that's actually [i]not [/i]true-- sometimes scaling up adds more than would be expected. If you have more than 2 kids, and especially more than 3, maybe now you have to buy a minivan or something, reserve tables for 6 (even if you're just 5 people) instead of for 4, and so on.

So it's... different. And I think, all things being equal, less work with an only. But not, say, half the work of two.

And most of you don't have the experience of having one kid for more than a short while, so you actually can't compare, though you might think you can. There's a difference between having only one for 2/4/whatever years, and then having two-- and having just one for 18 years. I don't think those people can say they've had one and they've had two, and X is harder. These are kind of unanswerable questions.

Signed,
Mom of one who knows she couldn't handle two (or could I have?)

*Get out of here w/your "I have an only, but my only has a billion health/mental health problems." I mean, I'm sorry, but no sh--. We're talking about all things being equal, and you know it-- or you should.[/quote]

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