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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Making someone's life better than your own doesn't necessarily mean they had a GOOD life. If you were beaten twice a day and you only beat your child once a week, you still beat your child, you see?

Saying "I'm sorry if I contributed to your unhappiness...." is not a real apology. [b]It's the word "if" that's the problem. [/b]You need to change it to the word "that".

But lets review what he's saying: his parents were fighting, you wouldn't let him be an independent thinker regarding religion, and on top of all that, he was isolated via homeschooling. Yeah, who wouldn't be upset by all that?! [/quote]

Precisely.  OP, if you love your son, you can apologize for the hurt that he has suffered, whether or not it was intentional.  After all, if you unintentionally hurt someone, you still apologize, right?

You might benefit from DBT, a type of therapy that helps us understand that two seemingly contradictory truths can be held at the same time.  It can be true that you did your best as a mother and created the very best life for your son that you thought would be good for him.

It can also be true that he had a really lousy childhood and that some of the ways that he was raised have made it very difficult for him to be healthy and happy as a man and father.

Both can be true.  And you can both live and respect and treasure each other while holding those two truths.  You can love him as a son who had a difficult childhood and is trying to get healthier, and he can love you as his mom who did her best even though her approach caused him some problems.

Life is complicated, as is love.  But neither of you has to be the bad guy or prove each other wrong.  You can go a LONG way to helping your son by acknowledging his pain, apologizing for hurt, and sharing your hopes and intentions about your decisions while also acknowledging that they had negative consequences for him.  [/quote]

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