Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous]If my child accidentally hurt another child, and instead of just saying “I’m sorry you were hurt” they went on and on about how it was unintentional, that would not be okay with me. I would explain to my child that while it’s good that she didn’t intent to do harm, what matters at this moment is how the other child is feeling, and that’s where the focus should be.

I think that is a pretty basic principle of repairing things and parenting mistakes are no exception. I don’t know what things will be like when my kids grow up, but I do know that I have done my absolute best, and that I have already, in only 14 years as a parent, I have made serious mistakes. Mistakes that already warrant therapy for my child because I didn’t understand that her needs were different from other kids. I have apologized and I will never, ever try to weasel out of accountability.

Again I don’t know how things will turn out in the figure, but at age 14 I still have a great relationship with my kid. She frequently says how grateful that she is that she can talk to me—about the issues she is having with friends, about her insecurities, about her doubts, about her dreams, about her frustrations—while none of her friends can talk to their parents, because I treat her like a person and her friends’ parents don’t care about their emotions.

I think that these parents who say “wait until your kids grow up and blame you for things” are wrong. I know how I will react when they do that because I’m already acting according to my principles. If you can’t apologize that’s okay but don’t tell others we can’t. [/quote]

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