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[quote=Anonymous]Your example doesnt apply. 10 year difference vs 22 years with someone in their early to mid 20s? OP's husband is old enough to be her father and has been married for as long as his fiance has been alive. 10 years is not really a big deal and can make sense.

[quote=Anonymous]Hon,

You have NO idea what happens to spouses in that situation.  My father was 10 years older than my mother.  For SIX years, she spent close to $1m caring for him at home.

She had in-home care b/c she knew the quality of life in nursing homes SUCKED!  In fact, each time he went in for rehab, he ended up in worse condition when he was discharged.

You think you've got it all planned out, but until you're in that spot - day after day, watching someone change diapers and dressing wounds and mashing up foods - you have NO CLUE how draining it is.  And then if you opt for the nursing home route, be prepared to fight a battle each day to ensure your loved one is getting the best care.

For now ignorance is bliss, but when reality hits, don't say I didn't warn you.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 28 and I feel for the OP. Seriously, that would hurt and piss me off. I only have one friend who digs older men and her dad was barely involved in her life. Why did you divorce?

[/quote]

I know you're not saying all women who marry older men have daddy issues, but even so, I want to provide backup. Like a couple other PPs in this thread, my DH is older than I am- by 16 years. We are happily married, have a child together, and I get along great with my stepchild. I love his family and they love me, and all of my family members love him and stepchild as well. I have a great relationship with my dad! My parents were divorced, but I saw him on holidays and school breaks, during summers, we all went on vacations together, my dad was there for every major event I ever had, we spoke weekly in college... he walked me down the aisle at my wedding. We get together for dinners every couple months now (he lives a few hours away). Sometimes, you just love who you love, and it has nothing to do with your father or your relationship with him.

I will also never understand why people who are not IN the marriages voice such vocal "concern" for the younger spouse who will one day have to care for their spouse when they are older. Will this be sad, if it happens? Of course. It's sad to see anyone you love begin to decline in health and have to nurse them through that. But that is my husband- I love him. I hope he lives to an old age, and if he does, I plan to be right by his side until the end, even if he dies when I'm "young" and in my 60s. Should you be the same age as your spouse and don't envision that happening to you- good for you. But why does it bother you so much to think other people might have to do it, to the point where you will denigrate their marriage? There's far worse things that having the opportunity, in the end, to hold your spouse's hand until the end of their life and prove the temerity of your vows. I hate to think of my spouse dying, but in a way, it will be a gift if I am able to care for him in the end, rather than wasting away by his side at the same time, the both of us useless to one another. I love him enough to marry him despite that possibility. It's a shame all of you think marriages that might one day see that scenario are "less than" your own marriages. [/quote][/quote][/quote]

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