Reply to If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off.  Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.

Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.

I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching.  I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.

What do people think?  [/quote]

I think it is your responsibility to deliver the kid to the appointed time/place where visitation occurs.  After dropoff, all responsibility is with dad.  If your kid is upset with something dad did, it's the father's responsibility to discuss it with the kid and sort it out.  You can no longer mediate their relationship.  It's up to the dad.  Don't encourage son to walk out; encourage him to discuss with dad whatever is bothering him.   Each of you will now have your own relationship with the child, and none of you is responsible for sorting out the relationship between the child and the other parent.  [/quote]

I'm not encouraging him to do anything.  I was asking whether I needed to actively discourage this idea.  In the end I told him I wasn't sure and that was enough and he chose to do something different.

My kids need to figure out how to have a relationship with him.  I can't advise them on how to do that, given that I clearly failed at that task.  And he needs to figure out how to have a relationship with them.  Part of that might be getting feedback from them when he's really messed up, and bringing his anger at me into my children's home was a mistake.  [/quote]

In order for them to have a healthy relationship you need to support it.  Of course its a bad idea to encourage that behavior and if you encourage it to happen to dad they will think its ok to do it to you.  Your relationship with him is separate from his and the kids and you need to be appropriate and keep boundaries.  Your kids are not your friends.  Having them give feedback to complain about him to stop visitation speaks volumes.[/quote]

In order for the to have a healthy relationship, an adult father must manage his own communication with the child. Child is upset at father? Father must take it up and sort it out.  His child, his job.

It's not the mother's job anymore to support it, and it's not the father's job to support the child's relationship with the mother, similarly.  This is the meaning of divorce.  They no longer owe each other anything emotional. [/quote]

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