Reply to If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off.  Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.

Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.

I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching.  I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.

What do people think?  [/quote]

I think it is your responsibility to deliver the kid to the appointed time/place where visitation occurs.  After dropoff, all responsibility is with dad.  If your kid is upset with something dad did, it's the father's responsibility to discuss it with the kid and sort it out.  You can no longer mediate their relationship.  It's up to the dad.  Don't encourage son to walk out; encourage him to discuss with dad whatever is bothering him.   Each of you will now have your own relationship with the child, and none of you is responsible for sorting out the relationship between the child and the other parent.  [/quote]

I'm not encouraging him to do anything.  I was asking whether I needed to actively discourage this idea.  In the end I told him I wasn't sure and that was enough and he chose to do something different.

My kids need to figure out how to have a relationship with him.  I can't advise them on how to do that, given that I clearly failed at that task.  And he needs to figure out how to have a relationship with them.  Part of that might be getting feedback from them when he's really messed up, and bringing his anger at me into my children's home was a mistake.  [/quote]

In order for them to have a healthy relationship you need to support it.  Of course its a bad idea to encourage that behavior and if you encourage it to happen to dad they will think its ok to do it to you.  Your relationship with him is separate from his and the kids and you need to be appropriate and keep boundaries.  Your kids are not your friends.  [b]Having them give feedback to complain about him to stop visitation speaks volumes.[/b][/quote]

Shockingly, I thought that a locked door was a boundary.  I'm not sure how it's my fault that that boundary wasn't kept.

I have no idea what you are talking about with the bolded.  When I mentioned feedback, I meant that telling his Dad "right now I don't want to be with you" is feedback to Dad that what Dad did hurt the kids.  [/quote]

You need to separate your relationship with him with the kids relationship with him.  Clearly you don't want visits so stop the drama and visits already.  Simple.    Its not ok for a child to speak to their parent like that and your encouraging this behavior is part of the issue.  You clearly cannot see your role in this so its best to terminate the relationship as this is only going to end badly for the kids if you continue down this path.

You are right.  You are an amazing mom and parent and he is a horrible father who doesn't deserve his kids.... so, enough already.  Stop with the games and just move on.[/quote]

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