Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So mom tells kids dad cheated which is why we divorced. Dad tells kids he cheated because mom refused to have sex with him. Mom says they stopped having sex because dad wasn't capable with chores so it made her resent him.

Most of DCUM thinks this is acceptable discourse for kids[/quote]

Lots of men cheat who have active sex lives with their wives. [/quote]

DP.

It does not take away from pp's point. It takes two to tango, and cheating is not the worst thing a spouse can do to you. (For example, anyone who thinks cheating is worse rhan physical abuse is sick in the head).

The cheater has fingers to point to: Mom chose to marry a broken man, so she still gets that part of the blame; Mom never treated dad with respect; Dad never helped around the house. And so on and so forth. When you start blaming each other, it never ends.

My parents played this blame game as adults( even though they never divorced). They both sounded pathetic.

[/quote]
Cheating is physical abuse. You are having sex with someone who could give you a disease. So it's both emotional, social, and physical abuse.[/quote]

I'd rather my DH cheat on me 100 times than slap me 1 time.

Either way, I am out. But in the first case, I will queitly and calmly serve him divorce papers. If someone slaps me, even hell would not be big enough to accomodate both of us.

It's not even comparable.[/quote]

Finding out his nasty D has been in very slutty women and in you without your knowledge is horrifying.  Incredibly traumatizing.  Do not underestimate.

And, wtf is wrong with you?!!! You seriously want to rank people’s traumas?

It’s the grief trauma Olympics?

If you get hit once, there it is, you know.  Cheating can involve YEARS of lying/gaslighting and disease.[/quote]

Yeah I agree (DP). I don't get this either. My life all but ended when I found out about my spouse's affair (and subsequent desire to divorce for the AP and unilaterally upend not only my life but that of our 3 young children). I am starting therapy for PTSD this week in addition to my regular therapy, and I don't think I will EVER be able to have a normal, trusting relationship again. This person broke me in more ways than I can even begin to describe.[/quote]

Sorry.  Same here.  I am a shell of the person I used to be.  I used to be confident, outgoing, fun and extroverted.  Now I can’t stand to socialize and have a hard time finding joy in anything.  There are a lot of triggers and a lot of trying to figure out what was real and my mind never stops.  I never had mental health issues and I’m now on medication.  [/quote]

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