Reply to What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve known a couple of these guys through work.  In my experience, they try to look for much younger women to hook up with.  A surprising number fall for catfishing scams, two were fired for sexual harassment in the workplace, and a couple remarried a much younger woman and started a second, younger family.  [/quote]

Uhhhh... any guy who can hook up with or marry a much younger woman is NOT a dud.[/quote]

Oh yeah?  So, by your definition, any guy in his forties that your college age daughter decides to date is, by definition, a great guy?  She’s got your approval?[/quote]

Whatever you may think about it morally, the fact is that a guy in his forties who can attract a college girl is NOT a dud. In fact he has to be exceptionally attractive in some way in order to get her interest at all.[/quote]

You can be conventionally attractive and still be a dud husband and father.  I mean, if you are so bad that your co-workers can see it, you are pretty bad.

You can (and many men do) actually go on to be a decent husband and father to your second wife and still have completely failed and continue to fail in your relationship ms with your wife and children from your first marriage.  
[/quote]

A guy whose first marriage failed but whose second marriage succeeded is clearly not a dud.

If your marriage failed but your XH goes on to have a successful second marriage, you should seriously consider the possibility that he wasn't a dud, and the problem in the marriage was actually [i]you[/i].[/quote]

Yawn. In that case the guy is no longer a dud because the first woman trained him. Honestly don’t know why any person especially a man would want to remarry. [/quote]

I know it's not in the mental universe of DCUM women to believe that a woman could ever be to blame for anything, but it is entirely likely that the guy was not a dud, and the first marriage failed because she was a dud. (This would explain the very large number of obvious female duds one sees on the apps.)

Your idea also raises the obvious question of why she got divorced after she "trained him". Doesn't sound like a very intelligent plan tbh. [/quote]

Because a lot of times don’t men don’t learn from their mistakes until after it’s over. She’s exhausted. Why would she want that back? Your comment about “intelligent” makes no sense; being in a bad or unsatisfying marriage is not the “intelligent” option. Someone who’s done all the work of training some man who doesn’t realize his mistakes until after the divorce does not want to spend anymore time with him even if he changes in the future he was not the man he was when he was with her and she’s done. Waste smarter for women to let go of these men early rather than wasting more years on them. Divorce is a smarter option for a lot of people and unfortunately it takes them way too long to make that decision. Maybe your goal is to be in a bad marriage but mine certainly isn’t. [/quote]

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