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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: if you are with him long term, you'll need to be OK with occasionally [b]vacationing with the ex-W[/b] and celebrating with her on some holidays.

That's the way this family rolls, so adjust your expectations. If you're not comfortable with that future scenario, it's OK to break up with him.   [/quote]

NP. Agree with the first line but NOT with the bold. Of course the children's mother will be in their lives and therefore will be at certain events and celebrations where her ex, the OP's BF, is present. The divorced couple might even need to work together on plans for certain huge events over the years (graduation parties, engagement parties/weddings, etc.). So, yes to OP's needing to be OK with the ex-wife being there for some celebrations and holidays. But vacationing? Nope.

I DO think, though, that there may be a special circumstance here, with the mom having had cancer in the one year since the divorce (let's not forget that aspect). Even if it' wasn't considered a major or incurable cancel, the mere word can create a huge scare for many people.

The BF/ex-DH might simply be a decent guy who is overdoing things when it comes to trying to give the kids an amicable situation, and any worry or guilt over the ex-DW's cancer, fear for the future, etc. could be in play here. OP, it's possible your BF is worried that if the cancer recurs, the kids will have a lot less time with their mom, so he's overcompensating in advance, so to speak, perhaps trying to be the "good ex" who ensures the kids have a ton of time with mom. If she hadn't been ill, he might not be inviting her to EVERY celebration/event/holiday and surely not to a vacation.

I would simply have a frank, kind talk with him about this. Be gentle about it because you don't yet know the full details of her illness or how (or really, whether) it has influence on what he's doing re: invitations. If she cheated on him, which I think I read above, he must be pretty forgiving, or very willing to put the kids first, if he's inviting her to so much, including a vacation. Forgiving and "kids first" are not bad things for him to be, OP! But you do need to talk to him to clarify. Tell him how you feel about him (not about the vacation--about HIM) and that you are thinking about whether there is a longer-term relationship for you both, but you would like clarity on where his ex fits into that. [/quote]

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