Reply to Scorned woman strikes again - Yoga teacher murders the 'other' woman in Austin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Obviously this is terrible and please don't misconstrue anything I'm about to write as a defense of what this woman did. She murdered someone, it's terrible, I feel awful for the victim and her family. No one deserves that.

I used to see stuff like this and view it with detachment, like "oh that person must just be a bad person, I can't relate, why are people so terrible." But I went through something in the last few years (not a cheating partner, thankfully, something totally different) and experienced what I can only describe as social humiliation. It was crushing and really messed me up. I feel like I'd been deprived of my humanity, unfairly. I got very paranoid for a time and felt like everyone I knew was laughing at me and pitying me behind my back. I wound up quitting my job for a time, doing intensive therapy, and making several other big changes, and eventually got through it. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

But now I understand how this stuff happens. I didn't kill anyone when this happened to me and I really don't think I would (I'm a pacifist and abhor guns), but now I get how it happens. When you feel humiliated in this way, it feels like there is nothing left to lose. If you are convinced that everyone hates you anyway, especially if it feels like they hate you for things that are not your fault and out of your control, it's like, well what's left? It's like your connection to society is severed. It's terrifying.

I think PPs are right that her anger stemmed from feeling like she was losing her plan for her future, and feeling this woman stole it from her. But I think the thing that made her willing to kill this woman, instead of just yelling at her spreading nasty rumors or something, was the sense of humiliation. It was being lied to and then finding out, feeling like everyone was in on a joke that she was the butt of. Or at least that's what I think. When I was going through this, I had violent thoughts I can't believe I had. Thoughts that scared me.

I've since vowed that if anyone I know ever goes through there, to show up and let them know they are loved and valued, that I'm not laughing at them. To remind them they are still human and they are still connected to someone. I wish this woman had had something like that.[/quote]

Gently, you should seek therapy.  [/quote]

“I wound up quitting my job for a time, doing intensive therapy, and making several other big changes, and eventually got through it. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.”

Gently, you should seek baseline reading comprehension skills.[/quote]

I read that.  It sounds though, that you need perhaps more consistent therapy to manage violent tendencies generally, given your history.[/quote]

Telling someone you don't know, who has just stated they are in therapy, that they "seek therapy" makes no sense. Also, violent thoughts are not the same as violent tendencies. It's actually a common response to trauma. People who have experienced physical or sexual abuse often report having violent fantasies about hurting their abuser or even people who enabled the abuse. It can be upsetting and alarming, but is not the same as having "violent tendencies." Most likely it is an instinctual response to feeling powerless and threatened, a way for their subconscious to try to re-assert control over their body.

It might scare you to hear about it but these are things people deal with. It takes courage to say, even anonymously, "I have been through this and found a healthy and productive way to get through it." Maybe if we talked more honestly about dealing with feelings like this, we'd see fewer horrible crimes like this one. If we normalized the idea that having negative, vengeful, even violent thoughts does not mean you are an evil person or that you need to act on those thoughts, but instead can and should seek out places to talk through them, maybe more people would do so and we would be a less violent society.[/quote]

Very well said.  Thanks.[/quote]

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