Reply to Thought I was being ghosted after sex- but he texted- how to handle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks all. As far as an update, he called me on Valentine's Day late afternoon. He asked me out for this past Saturday and we had a great time. However, I sensed a different vibe. We had a conversation and I told him that I wasn't really interested in a casual situation with anyone right now. He said since he is recently separated, he's mostly looking for "friends" and if intimacy happens, it happens.

So, I kept calm and cut him off. I told him no hard feelings, and wish you the best, and am moving on.

I'm a bit sad because we really hit it off and he's a great guy, but obviously the timing is way off.[/quote]

Good for you. Let this be a lesson to you. Don’t take guys who are still separated. Only date guys whose divorce are final. And if you don’t want to have casual sex, have that conversation before you have sex.[/quote]

OP: yes, thank you. I have been thinking about that lesson. It sucks because I'm a very sexual person, but I do get hurt when this happens. I just read a book called, "Love Factually" by a researcher and she recommends waiting until two things have been met: 1) the guy brings up exclusivity, and 2) the guy says he loves you.

What do you think?[/quote]

Exclusivity at minimum is what I need. Doesn’t matter who brings it up so long as we are on the same page. I think love might be a high bar but I understand needing that if you’ve been hurt in the past. Remember that saying it is cheap though. A man shows his intentions through actions and follow through. For example the exclusivity talk would be followed up by STD testing. More than him saying love I want to be treated well. Everyone has different things they mean by that, for me it’s about communication, quality time, and him going out of his way to do special things just to please me. If you love someone then those things are a joy and not a task.[/quote]

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