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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my opinion, adoption is trauma, for the mother and the child, at least the way it was practiced in the 1920s-1970s, conservatively. I have a father and husband who were adopted. Maybe the trauma gets balanced out in some cases. But there is trauma.

Some people have this crazy idea of adoption that they "save" a poor infant. There are some stories like that. But mostly, for the majority of recent past, young women were forced into giving up babies they loved to people who were better positioned. Babies as commodity. And now, you barely get a baby unless you hire someone to gestate for you.

Today it's hard to adopt an infant, but easier to adopt an older child who comes  with emotional problems, special needs, etc. Those kids are waiting for homes while most prospective adoptive parents want a perfect infant.

I feel bad for people who want to adopt and are waiting. But not sure I could make the same choice. I respect you for it, if you understand the trauma and are not in a fantasy world of creating a family without considering what went on before.

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It’s not the adoption that causes the trauma; it’s the circumstances that lead to birth parents placing their children for adoption. Don’t blame adoption.[/quote]

For the scoop era babies,  there was no actual situation was traumatic.  An unwed pregnancy is not trauma. An affair isn't traumatic, a young mother isn't traumatic unless the society says it is and removes the child because of misogyny.  Now? It's more often than not elitism. Why should a well to do couple have a baby over a poor mother who can't raise a child and continue to educate herself and survive, regardless of what country the mother is from? Why not help the mother? It's still an industry- look at how the GOP fuels it. [/quote]
Why do you think that all these mothers want and are capable of raising their children? I agree with you about the past, and I. Any speak to international adoptions because I don’t know enough about it. But here, it is possible to raise your kids, no matter how poor you are. It’s not easy, but I know it’s possible because I come from a family that had plenty of young, unwed mothers (not that this is the only demographic choosing adoption). My own mother had 3 kids before she eventually married and had a fourth. I am an adoptive mom and I met my daughter’s birth mother. She was in her late 20’s and She had one child and said that raising her second was not fair to her first child or my daughter. I hope my DD reconnects with her birth parents if she wants to do that. Her mom made the choice that she thought was best for everyone involved. She wasn’t forced into it.[/quote]
If she couldn't live and support her child which is why it appears "she wasn't forced into it" means that her circumstances forced the decision. Your argument is very surface level comparing unwed mothers of previous decades to women today. Society no longer judges unwed mothers and forces them and underage women and "forces" them to relinquish a child, but now it's  financial and life circumstances. As a country,  we don't even support families, any kind of family,  on any level. .health care, family leave, flexible  working schedules,  the list goes on.

Women graduate college with unprecedented loans, and before you indicate that they could have  gone to community  college or a state school ( also not cheap) , perhaps a woman in veterinary or med school or any higher learning-might have to give up a child because  she can't take a break due to the loans already incurred.  [b]My point is that the rich and unencumbered win children from these situations. 
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But we have people in such circumstances in our society. And some of them get pregnant.  [b]They can't or chose not to parent those children. [/b]The responsible adults who step into this breach are not the only ones "winning."  The baby is. As well as society. [b]Because babies need adults who can feed and house them,[/b] as well as nurture them to adult hood. Humans do best when they have families, who can love and care for them. [/quote]

They vast majority of "can't or chose not to" is because they could not afford to.  Period.

If you went to these same women and said, "Look. Here is a full support system for you. You won't have to worry about housing, child care, health care nor your further education. You can parent your child and we have mentors for you.  It may be tough but we are here to help you and your family and you will get through it OK."  We have not developed this kind of support system for women because the adoption industry took hold, particularly in regards to infants.

The options mothers now get are usually based on the open adoption construct,  "Look. You don't have to worry about raising the child because here is this wonderful UMC family that will take wonderful care of your baby. They will open their hearts and homes to YOU, too. Your child will be loved and cared for and will have everything they want and need. The best part is you can maintain a connection with your child and be a part of their family life.  You can go on and fulfill all those wonderful dreams you had for yourself and still be involved with your child!"

And of course the most important part of the pitch, "Don't worry about any housing, medical, legal or other expenses for things you need because the wonderful UMC family will take care of it for you."

It's about money. 
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