Reply to Should I excuse DH from nighttime duties?

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Reply to "Should I excuse DH from nighttime duties?"

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[quote=Anonymous]^^ well I think you are fear mongering based on social science research that doesn’t hold up to logical scrutiny and that doesn’t match many women’s actual experience, including several in this thread alone.

First of all, it’s undoubtedly based on correlation. Yes, it’s true that a man who refuses to do nighttime feedings in the newborn days is probably also going to refuse to comfort a toddler. It’s true that a man who refuses to take time off work for a new birth is probably not going to cover sick days for his elementary school children.

But that’s not OP’s situation, and she is allowed to decide what’s best for her family without a bully telling her she has to do things one exact way or her marriage and parenting arrangement is doomed. She says she hates pumping. You’re really comfortable recommending that a postpartum woman do something she hates?

“Research also shows” that breastfeeding leads to healthier, smarter babies. But we all know there are many good reasons not to breastfeed, and many women can report to you their babies turned out just fine on formula. Are you also going to use that breastfeeding research to tell a woman who hates breastfeeding that she has to do it? No, I’m sure you would acknowledge that women can make their own decisions and that there are many factors involved in the baby’s overall outcomes.

Furthermore, a husband who is willing to do nighttime feedings, but who decides with his wife that they’d rather divide up the labor another way, really isn’t missing out on key parenting skills. You know what you learn from comforting a newborn at night? You learn how to comfort a newborn at night. It’s totally different from comforting a toddler or an elementary schooler or a high schooler. Plenty of daycare workers and Nannie’s are excellent with children despite never having taken care of a newborn at night.[/quote]

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