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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I spent 15 hours sewing and cross stitching a stocking for my new SIL and she didn't say thank you.  (Everyone in the family has the same style stocking--adults and kids.  It's our tradition.)[/quote]

Maybe she doesn’t like it. I mean, I would still say thank you, but I hate the whole Assimilate: ONE OF US mentality. Maybe it’s not her style, or maybe she’s not that into celebrating Christmas with stuff, stuff, more things, stuff, more things.[/quote]

It’s…a Christmas stocking. If she didn’t make one for SIL, she’d complain that she isn’t seen as a part of the family. For the cross-stitch pp, are you sure she knows you made it?[/quote]

Yeah, and? It’s a Christmas stocking. I personally wouldn’t care at all not to have one. I think they’re kitschy, and not in a good way. If you like them, great. I personally hate the cross-stitching aesthetic. But whatever you like that’s great.[/quote]
I always make fun of the “I feel sorry for you” posters but I really do feel sorry for you! It’s not about the Christmas stocking, it’s about welcoming to the family, but somehow you consider that some sort of ASSIMILATE-ONE OF US insult. If this is typical of your personality,  I’m honestly amazed someone married you.[/quote]

I treat the people who date or marry into my family as individuals. I pay attention to what they like. I would ask someone who has different tastes if they would like a stocking, in a way that made it clear it would be my pleasure to make them one. “Meredith, I was hoping to make you a traditional Smith Family-style something, if you would like one. If you are interested, please let me know what colors you prefer.” It’s a lovely gesture, but not if someone doesn’t like the item or the style or what have you. Would you make a Christmas stocking for a Jewish person who married into the family without asking?!

My ILs have never paid attention to my likes and my interests. They simply push their preferences on me. For example, they get me dark chocolate every year because that’s MIL/SIL’s favorite, even though they know I do not like dark chocolate. They even SAY, “We know you don’t like dark chocolate, but it’s tradition.” They get me what they get each other, even though they know I don’t like Vera Bradley and that kind of aesthetic. At what point is it the opposite of “welcoming” when people literally never ask for your preferences or likes/dislikes, and just get you what they like and tell you as you’re opening it, “I know you won’t like this.”[/quote]

NP here but laughing because this is a ridiculous take. And for the record my mom got (didn’t make) my Jewish DH a cross stitch stocking the first Christmas he celebrated with our family and he was so incredibly happy because he’s never had a stocking before! [/quote]

+1. Would you not hang a stocking for an in law or sibling’s spouse because they’re Jewish? How incredibly rude.[/quote]

My first Christmas with my ILs (and I am not Jewish, I celebrate Christmas) they did not hang a stocking for me. There were stockings for their kids and for them. I’m just sitting there like an outsider with nothing. It was the first Christmas I hadn’t spent with my own family, so I was already a bit melancholy, but not being included in anything was pretty awful. But, a telling narrative for how our relationship has been. ILs are not family in their world. So I’ve learned to treat them as not family either.[/quote]

Your husband sucks. My sister and I both discussed how the day would go when we brought boyfriend/fiancée along for the first Christmas, so my parents had stocking-level gifts for them to open. Then once married they got personalized stockings.

Your husband is actually to blame for this scenario[/quote]

My in-laws didn't get me my own stocking, they just give me and my husband a combined stocking. Is that maybe what they intended? Were the things in your husband's stocking things you could share?[/quote]

Ha, no, not at all. It was his childhood stocking filled with things for him. PP, honestly, I don’t think this was on him. We live across the country from his parents, we were newly married at the time, and flew to them for Christmas. The previous Christmas we had spent with my side, and my parents (well, my mom since she does all that stuff) had a stocking for him, presents under the tree, he was basically just another one of her kids. I can’t imagine a scenario where my husband would have called his mom and been like, just so we’re clear mom, you’re going to have something for Jane for Christmas, right? Because it never would have occurred to him that she would just exclude me. Especially when we had been sent Christmas lists for both MIL and FIL, so it was clearly expected we would be providing gifts to them. We were rather young at the time too and just out of grad school, 24 and 26. So the plane tickets and rental car and time off work was already a huge burden on our very limited at the time budget. And it’s not a money thing either. They absolutely at the time were giving my husband all sorts of expensive gifts. I think that year he got new skis and boots, a new laptop, a gift certificate for a suit place for a new suit for his new job, etc. [/quote]

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