Reply to BIL called DH’s Mom a B****

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. DH decided we are not going to go and to not address the topic until everyone in the family (including himself) has calmed down. Instead, we’ll just spend Xmas locally with his parents and other sibling.

He told his sister that we will not join them for the holidays but will see them in Spring Break as we usually go there during that time if that’s ok. Her response was “Don’t bother.”

So there’s that. [/quote]

Sounds like your DH knows his family pretty well. Sometimes it is best to let tempers settle. His sister sounds very defensive, but that can be managed. Give everyone a little time and they can talk again in a few weeks. Then he starts that conversation with, “I know mom was wrong, but I still want the best relationship with her that we can have in the years she has left, and I also want to work together with you to ensure there are boundaries around her worst tendencies so they aren’t  so hurtful or impactful on you or my family, etc. How can we work together to have the best possible?” Then just think through some options for how that can be done as a team to show her that he is serious about finding productive ways to address the issues.[/quote]

Yep. He didn’t think discussing the issue now was going to resolve anything. If we go, it looks like we are taking sister’s side. If we don’t, then it looks like we are taking sister’s side. He discussed with his other local sister and they both are on the same page about taking a break this holiday season. We just booked a last minute ski getaway for our nuclear family of 5![/quote]

In my opinion it's appropriate to take the side  against MIL's toxic behavior and  as pp pointed out to you, OP  you are now in MIL's crosshairs  and your DH will do nothing about it.[/quote]

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